12.12.2011 | 12:23

Meow Meow

Hello December! How are things doing? I hope they are fine.

I'd like to post some sort of fast draft to what's been happening in my life as if you care. LOL. I'm reviewing for my boards which will happen next year. For me to review properly, I needed to move out. Seriously. I can't review at the house with chores, internet and TV. And with noisy siblings, too.

Although I get back home every weekend, I still feel that I've not yet fulfilled whatever purpose I had on not living with my family. I'm depriving myself of what I was used to doing: playing the piano, ogling at cute guys online, spotting buddies, watching movies, dining out, surfing the internet, couch potato-ing, everything a bum does. That is the reason why people see me in Twitter as if I haven't logged out for 48 hours. That is why I have this post.

Before I defeat the purpose of this post, I'd like to share this cute attraction I have with cats. Yes. Cats. Once upon a time I liked pussies. Pussy cats. I like touching their fur, tickling them in the neck and in the ear, or embracing them like a baby. I don't know why I have this pull to make papansin to them but IT is there no matter how I try to avoid doing something weird to cats. At one point, I even jacked off in front of a cat. Haha. Shet TMI. I dunno, maybe because of the fur?

Miming. Funny I have no better name for cats than Miming.
When I got home Saturday, my sister said that a cat trailed her from the the other block until it reached our compound. The cat keeps on getting inside our house when the screen door is opened. I find it really cute but my mom wants me to get rid of Miming. Whenever I get out of the house, nililingkis niya yung binti ko which is just cute. I dunno, baka iligaw ko 'to mamaya pag-alis ko pabalik ng dorm.. Sad. Cute pa naman maliit pa lang siya. Sorry for the low qual pic, I have lots of Miming's pics here but I can't edit because I'm to leave in ten minutes... Sana dito na lang si Miming samin para may kalaro ako every weekend.. :(

See you next week guys, probably in Twitter. :)

11.17.2011 | 07:59

Sigh

Kung gusto mo ako, sabihin mo sa akin hindi yung sa kaibigan mo pa ko malalaman. It sucks, you know! Gusto din kita eh. Ayoko sa lahat yung torpe. Tsk.

+++

Sorry if I can't bloghop much, there's something that I need for the advancement of my professional career. Stress Drilon much! At pasensya na if I'm soo malandi these days, I just feel horny ewan ko ba! When all I must do is shut off these hormones. Hay. I'm learning to control this but its not gonna be fast, right?

+++

I found a shelter on Twitter, as they say it's a microblogging site. Dun na lang siguro muna ako aktib-aktiban. For the mean time, I'll take an indefinite break on writing long posts muna..

I'll catch you somewhere guys :)

11.16.2011 | 22:14

Trip na Trip (niya ako)

He's the first one to message (or those with dark blue background) and my replies are in the lighter blue background.



:)

11.13.2011 | 19:38

Diner Dashin'

Call me Dash. I clean tables as a part-time job. There are several misconceptions about my job that people need to know, so with this, I hope that those concerned will get informed, properly.

Working with tables is not an easy job. For most of the time, we move around the place to keep up with the pace of people either vacating their tables or occupying one. We have eyes all over the place so we won't just bounce randomly and feel breezy after... Oh sorry. I'm speaking a little Tablish.

I remember a time while I was busy cleaning what was left off by some foreign customers at our restaurant, when I saw a white Louis Vuitton wallet lying in one of the chairs beside me. Human instinct beyond all morality gave me the curiosity to check the contents of the wallet. Of course, it can always pass off as checking if there were IDs left or something similar. Truth is, I had every urge to look around, see if no one's looking, and slide the small leather case in my pocket. This job doesn't give me much earnings and whatever the contents are, the purse itself is worth something. But I never let myself delve too much in the idea. I called the foreigner who owned the wallet. She gave me three Franklins, more than surprising because I may have expected her to give me something, what I received is above sufficient.

More importantly, I represented our nation in her eyes. The tarnished image was erased on her end. I won't be surprised if she could spread the good news and eventually change the mind frame of people around her who may have plans of visiting our country.

In connection to that, we act as less-oriented tour guides. In the restaurant where I'm working, we usually have tourist customers. Most of the time, we get them engaged in small talks and they ask us to suggest things to do apart from suggestions of food to partake in the resto. It is a fun sidetrack and it is always rewarding to know that someone wants your opinion on something and someone eventually learns from you.

Cleaning is not everything: We do have metrics. The managers put our performances in a statistical analysis and other mind boggling plots. We get evaluated every now and then so it's high time to make others know that this is a not-so-easy task. Like every other job, this is still a source of experience which could put us in leverage for future jobs.

This job can be stressful at one point, peaks, but at the end of the day, what matters to me is my ability to keep every tabletop as clean and eater-friendly as possible.

11.11.2011 | 00:20

Nirvana Encounter

Three. Three of them men entered the restroom. I saw one of them was familiar so without trying to spoil my curiosity, I tailed them in. I unzipped my pants in one of the urinals without focusing on how to pee. My ears were locked on the airwaves for a possible hint.


Two. Two of the guys left the urinals that they just occupied. They went straight to the sinks. By my peripheral vision, I can sense that one of them looked maliciously over my back. I know, nothing's coming out. I'm not good in faking things.


One. Time is running out. I had to make a move. One guy left. One cubicle unoccupied. One look in the eye. One nod.

11.08.2011 | 09:40

This Is How To Be Lazy

When the severed chores are laid
leave you're share untouched
as a virgin forest preserved.
Do not wake up at six in the AM
and canoodle with your pillows
like a slimy slug put in a jar.
Allow your senses to explore
the vastness of your surrounding,
having eyes transfixed on onion rings
pickles and pepper --
you only wait for dinner.
Stretch your arms.
Do this with a yawn and
while you are still in bed.
You would develop an amity with
the Galapagos turtles, be happy
for this kinship is one in a billion.
Think of whatever you are doing
as a prerequisite to improving
your performance as a porn-star;
the setting is a bed, your lines are
moans and you exercise the hands
for they are supporting actors
for most of the laying positions.
After all, that is the easiest job
and will ratify your laziness.
As a testament to your feat,
get up and stay a little in the living room.
You will hear your mother say,
"You stink of bedbugs, take a bath"
but you must shoo this idea
because it will mortify your role!
Even your little demons will approve
that laziness is next to godliness
in as much as Robert Frost settled
with the Road Not Taken.
Explore, for in the absence of movement
springs the ability to discernment
that each facet of the moment
digress to announce a thing important.
Being lazy is a bridge towards improvement,
emancipating the expression of temperament.
Like how the birds of summer hibernate,
wait for winter to pass and in summer, sublimate.

11.07.2011 | 00:09

A Remembrall



Yes, they come and go
Will everyone remember them? no
But as long as this rock stands
I'll cherish time we had in our hands


Yes, people come and go
Must I forget them? no
For with each bears a strand
Heartstrings reminding us the bland


I may not describe you in a paragraph,
Memories of you remain like a photograph
Before we part, let us ask the trees too tough
To write this on our friendship's epitaph:


When sinister ends meet
Loose ends trash defeat
From the scorching heat
Hide us all, complete


+++

This week will be some sort of literary for the blog, I will become the frustrated poet/writer Joe. All the posts are timed/scheduled since I have to do stuff at school and other important things. I hope a few would like it. :)

11.05.2011 | 15:13

Breakout

Look, something wants to breakout!

Yeah. My thoughts want to break out. For the longest time I haven't really blogged about myself, on my status as a person and what-not. Maybe because I'm too afraid that no one will even care... Oh Joe cut the drama.

Do I think it's about time to be more personal? No no no, not that personal. For the past seven months or so, I've seen myself draw a lot things around me. I colored my own humanity with nature's hue and I found a good breeding ground to lay my other-thoughts on. For the few people who: both reads this blog and knows me personally, the way Joe is spelled could read differently from one perspective to another.

I'm not being technical here. Every person has his or her own depths, one lies on a catapult hurling jets of whatever everywhere. These could manifest in different bodies and forms.

My depths? I even wonder if there's any. I kept on ranting about how things turned out, on what the government should do yaddah yaddah. How about a pseudo-literary/erotica stash? *insert wide grin here*

I'm confused with the present setup, how topsy-turvy the arrangement is, how my alter-ego tries to overpower the real me. It's like a cold, and I frequently catch it.

With the current state of things, I can say that my status as a person remains indefinite of time an space. Yes, we sometimes talk about science. Right now, there is a feeling of non-belonging and the lies, pretensions, reservations have all joined together in a miscible solution called quarter-life crisis.

In one of my birthday posts, I acknowledged the fact: when you're added another year, your multiplier for your responsibility is increased by one. oh, i'm sorry, it was an understatement -- in my case, its not a multiplier, but an exponent. it shows, if you need proof. At twenty-two, I already assume responsibilities which are too big for me. I'm starting to feel afraid that I might not handle all of them.

Another dilemma is the status of my maturity. There is fear in me -- that I'm not becoming mature. I always screw things up with my siblings. I always fail to back my words up. I always play, whether on relationships or on encounters. People might tell me that I'm young, that I must explore, that I must enjoy. Deep in me, it is different. I want to fix my life, start from scratch, build a better civilization for myself. The problem is, my weaknesses draw me closer to zero. I must develop claws to hold on tighter to tougher challenges and trickier dispositions. I want to become different. And I want to make a difference.

In the end, only Time can tell.

10.29.2011 | 10:35

All-Out War or All-Out Confusion?

With what happened in Al Barka, Basilan last October 18, we can already conclude that there is severe military lapse. As the ceasefire agreement still stands, however, this oppression from the MILF is on definite question. Why will they attack the soldiers? On what grounds are they vindicated? Let us discuss some points to get us out of the confusion.

It is not a secret that the MILF has been quite on the run towards getting their so-called Ancestral Domain. This refer to areas which once belonged to their forefathers but due to the modernization, civilization and autonomy of the local governments, some of these lands have been alienated and others have become base camps to our military. Retrieval is for autocratic reasons, just like separating Mindanao from the Philippines all over and again. For the administration's move, they have already designated several ATS, areas of temporary stay, to the MILF since they cannot completely give in to the Memorandum of Agreement (MoA) on Ancestral Domain pressed by the MILF leaders.

The MoA will only subdivide the Philippines, just as how the Spaniards intelligently did some 300 years ago. WE DO NOT WANT THAT TO HAPPEN.

Apart from battling the MILF passively, there is still the Abu Sayyaf which needs to be seized. From here starts the underlying reasons of the MILF. Our military is on the constant battle with the Abu Sayyaf and in the process, they would eventually need to pass through several areas in ARMM which they deem as the latter's camps. With the recent events, the military passed through an ATS (in search of Abus), which is Al Barka, and it is high time for the MILF to become hostile! 19 of our soldiers were killed.

The MILF starts to think that they can get away from this, but no, as long as vigilant citizens live, they cannot.

There is a shady future for the MILF and as they try to convince themselves that they have the President on their side, then they should start on new solid plans.

The President may have had, what?, cold feet on the All-Out War matter which is definitely very disappointing. As the Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces, he must give the biases to our soldiers, so as to boost their morale! Nineteen soldiers died for nothing if there is constant justification from these MILF people. P-noy's attempts to pacify these hostilities by his All-Out Peace campaign is just completely redundant (of the Tuwid na Daan which is still beyond walfway) and muting. Masyado na nating bine-baby itong mga taong ito. It is about time that we, you Mr. President, show them that MILF's playing of the role "KAMI ANG BOSS MO" is not at all times applicable.

Only an All-Out War will eradicate the MILF together with the Abu Sayyaf. Show no mercy for people who continue to divide us and bring us down from within. Let us show them our injustice system in this manner, tutal, diyan naman tayo magaling.

And only then, will we attain peace and progress.

10.28.2011 | 11:15

"I just wanted to..."

I just alighted from the FX. 10 minutes to 6. I am the master of estimation, considering I left home at around 5:30.

San ka? Dito na me.

On my way sa Veranda. Bought some things and stuffed them in the car. I'm glad to know you're here.

Malakas ka sakin James, eh. Sige. I'll see you in a mo'.

I tucked my earphones, the ones that he gave me as a birthday gift. Oo na. Ako na ang ginastusan nitong batang to. Habang naglalakad ako, I saw this cute guy sa may Golds Gym. I was smiling through him, not at him. Aba, si gagu, ngumiti! Hahaha. Natawa talaga ako sa kaloob-looban ko. Masikip ang daanan and there is a little chance na maiwasan ko siya so umakyat ako sa escalator. Palihim ko siya sinundan ng tingin at aakyat din sana siya, pero di niya tinuloy. Cute siya pero di ko bet. LOL. At may date ako no. Hahaha.

At exactly six, nakarating ako sa coffee shop na napagkasunduan naming pagkitaan. And OH MY FCUKIN HOLE, isang anghel ang bumaba sa lupa! Shet, ang pogi. Bagong look and all that. Nainlove ako ulit. He has something gift-wrapped at nung inabot niya sakin yun, kinilig ang tinggil ko. Chot. Hahaha. Leche, sobrang sweet ng batang ito! Ano ba ang nagawa ko sa past life ko para magkaroon ng sobrang almost perfect na guy like this one to meet me? Kung maaalala niyo ang post ko dati, may hawig sila ni Scheduler. Ngayon, PARA NA TALAGA SIYANG SI SCHEDULER, pati haircut! At ikinagulat ko ay ang...

Eto nga pala si Scheduler.
Paghalik niya sa akin Ate Charo. Opo. Inangkin niya ang aking labi ohmygas. Sa harap ng no less than ten people na nagkakape ng mga panahong yun. Okay, keber, karamihan beki at paminta, at selos na selos sila hahaha. Nahiya man ako ng konti pero okay na rin. Umupo kami at umorder siya ng mga nakasanayan naming inumin at kainin. I can't help but smile sa kinauupuan ko habang nakatingin sa kanya, at habang yung ibang tao ata eh nakatingin parin sakin, nakataas ang eyebrows. What the fcuk. Shoo. Alis mga tsismaxers.

Aaminin ko. Kinilig talaga ako sa gesture niya. Alam naman niyang wala pa akong boyfriend pagkatapos ganun ang gagawin niya. Yun bang pakiramdam na, gusto mo lang kiligin kasi medyo tigang ang lovelife, tapos bigla kang masusurprise, ewan! Basta, nakakatuwa siya. PERO. Napaisip ako, bakit niya to ginagawa? Anong motibo ang nasa likuran ng sweet-sweetan na ito? AND WHY AM I SO EASY?

Simple lang. Bakit easy ako? Kasi crush ko siya. Ano ang motibo niya? Malalaman ko after this meetup.

"I just wanted to tell you, na I'm very happy na nakilala kita. Wala ng nagp-papark sa kotse ko sa masisikip na spaces. Wala ng tumutulong sakin sa Calculus. I had trouble nung finals. Lagi kitang naiisip. Pati sa Physics, wala na ring nag-eexplain sakin ng concepts..." sabi niya. Well phrased. Pota. Parang scripted.

Ano ako, valet? Tutor? Ganyan?

"Wait, stop making faces, I know I sound sleazy. I just can't tell you directly na I still haven't moved on from what happened sa atin. You might ask, ano ang pinakain mo sa akin. Hindi ko rin alam Joe," sinabi niya, almost pabulong, with that maamong face. Okay. Bat nakakaramdam ako ng awa sa kanya?

Just to sidetrack. Si James ay pangalawa sa kanilang dalawang magkapatid. Yung kuya niya, may asawa na. Tapos siya lang lagi ang naiiwan sa kanila with his butler and three helpers. Laging may business meeting, et cetera ang kanyang mga magulang. Ang kanya namang mga bestfriend ay sa Tagaytay nakatira. Kaya di ko maiwasan na companion lang ang hanap ng batang ito. I didn't want to spoil him, or be rude sa kanya, pero hindi ko rin alam kung paano sasabihin ang mga bagay na gusto kong i-break sa kanya. Ayoko masabihang choosy at maarte at pahabol-effect.

Ang hirap ng sitwasyon ko noh?

"Ano palang laman nito?" I asked.

"Sa bahay niyo na buksan. Uhm. I just want to tell you na I'm very happy that you showed up. Well, I expected this, sembreak naman at alam kong patay na patay ka parin sakin," he laughed. "I'm just kidding."

Punyemas na bata ito ah. Masyadong assuming. Pero, ganun ba ako kadaling basahin? Haha.

This ends it. Wala na akong maiku-kwento eh. Pagkauwi ko, kilig na kilig lang. Parang high school na naka-date ang first love lang ang peg. Oha. Pero walang nangyaring promise-an or whatever. Kinomfort ko lang ang bata. I know na nasa isang phase lang siya at malalagpasan niya rin ito. Namiss niya lang daw ako. If I know. Namiss niya ako kasama sa kama choz.


10.27.2011 | 07:13

Joe Meets James, Again

Robinsons Galleria, the Veranda. Starbucks. Around 6pm.

Ex lang kita kaya wala kang karapatang utusan ako.

Parking is paid. I'll be there two hours before. You will meet me.

Wow ha. Ingleserong froglet. Opo pupunta po ako. What is this urgency all about?

If I tell, you won't come.

You still haven't moved on ano?

You make me laugh. Gear up, have lunch. It's almost 130.

Ang yabang mo. Pasalamat ka at pogi ka, kung hindi, 'di kita sisiputin.

Oo na. You've told me na pogi ako a lot of times, it actually bothers me.

Bakit naman?

Kung pogi ako, bat mo ako iniwan?

Hmm. Hindi ko rin alam. Siguro kasi may hinahanap lang ako nung mga panahong 'yon, at akala ko ikaw yun..

Ouch. That hurts, the fifth time. Do you want me to resend your text messages? They look like a template, I swear! Ganyang ganyan din ang text mo sakin last month.

James, paano pag sinabi kong hindi din ako maka-move on?

Eh how about Marcus? I thought you guys have something mutual?

*ouch. bistado. lol
Okay then, 6pm. :)

+++

As a sidetrack, I'm not the father of the baby. HINDI PA AKO READY NOH!

10.26.2011 | 01:22

Tick. Tock.

It is the monumental decay of an irreversible feat. Without the extra helpings of a melodramatic background music, it will definitely hit me to tears and now that I think about it, it's one of the future things that foretell the worst is yet to come.

Reading self-help books ain't enough. The toughest of these challenges is not what meets the eye, it is fate's tacit answer to the dilemma. Pressure mounts everyday, exponentially.

As if these are all enough, here comes my ex-girlfriend (without my knowledge, got pregnant, and), giving birth, on the date of our anniversary years back. It's funny how nature pulled up this coincidence.

Ako ba ang tatay?



I hope not.

10.21.2011 | 01:55

She Lives Next Door

I am suffering from a medically unknown disease which binds the tongue when the mind is clouded with too much information. One doctor actually diagnosed me with dyslexia and after a keen research on this topic, was able to find several details about the disease. I do not suffer from this dyslexia thing.

"No, you can't just tell me a certain illness when I'm paying you the right amount here. Enough of this gambol," I said and without thinking twice, slammed the door to his office on my way out. The patients outside his clinic were terrified.

Unhappy with one doctor's resolution that I'm dumb (yes, that is how his diagnosis sounds to me), I sought the help of another person, this time, a linguist. She lives next door.

Warmly lighted and good-smelling, her house is. She accepts visitors by day and I felt deeply welcome with her bright yellow clothes and lavender wafting in the atmosphere. Her voice was soothing, every word she's saying calms me down like a hypnotic spell. Such a fancy.

"Talk," she convinced me, "about this picture that I'm holding." She gestured her fingers around the frame. While she was doing so, the trappings of her bracelet were moving back and forth. I swear to God I was distracted with the movement of her hands, and of the dangling bits in her accessory, that I cannot think of another way to verbalize my interpretation.

Closing my eyes was the best way to avoid seeing the cyclical drifting. I restructured the picture on my mind and tried imputing one of the millions of adjectives that can be located in a dictionary. However, for a trice the forces of nature might have collaborated to pull away the alphabet from my neurons and prevented me from pronouncing a single thread of my cerebration. I felt helpless and inutile.

Just when I thought I was doomed, bound for another judgment, I felt a warm mouth on my nape, to my ears, then, to my lips. I opened my eyes and kissed her. The feeling was insurmountable. We made out in her living room.

Three hours of pleasure passed, we cleaned ourselves and went back to business as if nothing ever happened. Words -- a plethora of verbal syntaxes -- started materializing in the form of my voice. At last, I'm able to speak my mind!

"'suppose all you needed was some good loosening up. Good job," she quipped.

My life was never the same from that day on. We would always have sessions either on her house or in my pad, but she leaves every weekend for some outdoor activity.

Before she left for the second weekend since we knew each other, I asked for her name.

Kayla. She beamed and winked at me with her heavenly features. I could only miss her so much, and wish that it was Monday again.


to be restructured
Post Script: I doesn't equate me. =)

10.20.2011 | 13:26

Goodbye

Consider this as my personal goodbye.

We haven't met for a good two years but I can still vividly picture out the laughter that we all shared when you were still around, the time I last saw you.

It is almost a definite truth that most of the loud gays are funny. He is. He was.

Until the 18th of October. I received a text message from I don't know who (since I was sensitive of the message that he/she sent, I didn't bother ask his/her name) saying metaphorically that another friend passed away. For the purposes of this post we will name this blessed soul Nick.

I was first introduced to Nick in one of the EBs in our mini-clan [please, not the cheap type of clan]. My first impression of him was nothing but 'another gay I will put at the side', if you know what I mean. Without leaving the first thirty seconds of our meetup, I was laughing out loud with his jokes. I actually found him cool.

When I had my PR account, it was a great surprise that I saw him view my profile. Damn! He must not know... He sent me a message. So it won't look all guilty-of-something, I replied. We exchanged a few messages, and after saying that I chat in a familiar way, asked me to show my face picture. As if I would give him.

For the past months, I'd always see him logged in the site. Status: SEX.

+++

While the clan was still active, he would occasionally send group messages like,
I just slept with Justin. I met him in FEU and he equals damn gorgeous. Performance level aketch! Napaliyad na lang si poging fafa. Nadiligan na ulit sa wakas.
It gave me the general idea. Nick is sexually active.

+++

I asked the texter, "Uhm, don't you think...?" and I must admit it was out of my tactlessness. I think the texter got what I was trying to imply and replied with something which made me feel embarrassed. I was ashamed of myself at that moment. Sometimes I really don't know how to act depending on the situation.

He is my follower on my legitimate Twitter account and I backread on his Tweets. I think I read something like 'been in the ambulance for the third time. 41 degrees na lagnat na naman.' and these tweets gave me the speculations.

If it was the third time that he was sent to the hospital via an ambulance, therefore he had been near to death three times now for the same reason. Dengue fever was my first conclusion. But then, if these keep on recurring, could this be something else? Like, AIDS?

I erased the thought for one moment. How dare me to think of it that way, associating the sickness with his sexual activeness. However, I'm left with no other inferences. He must be sick of something like that. From the time I knew him, we were 17 years old, he's already sexually active.

What I'm trying to point out here is to raise awareness. If it is dengue fever which caught him thrice, then let us be wary of the fever and do something about it in our own little ways.

If it is STD, let us keep on practicing safe methods. I'd be an advocate from now on, because I don't want to lose people I know just because of STD.

I will always think of the good times we had with Nick. True, that life is short to be spent on things that don't make sense. Nick was a happy man. He will always be remembered.

10.02.2011 | 00:39

Anti-Angry Birds Bill

Apparently, the rejection of his fail-versed juridical concoction did not deject Congressman Winnie Castelo from making sure that he will nest out his dislike to fads.

House Bill Number 5379, a.k.a. the Anti-Angry Birds Bill, is next on queue to this lawmaker's craigslist. The law, according to Representative Castelo, (paraphrased) will detect and look at product diversity in the market. The root to the evolution of this bill is the disappointment of the lawmaker to finding suitable gifts for his godchildren after seeing 168 Mall in Tutuban overwhelmed with toys, shirts, and other merchandise with caricatures of Angry Birds characters.

Diversity. Does this man really observe well?

Drop by any random mall. You will see a siomai stall beside another beside another. You will spot bags, notebooks, pencil cases flooded of the same TV personalities' faces/show and what-not. Tea stores springing like mushrooms than ever. Fastfood chains offering unlimited rice after one franchise offered the same deal. Where is diversity anyway? What scope is this mad-man trying to encapsulate? To what improvement is he seeking?

Diversity is generally blinded by instant popularity. Eventually, business owners would try to go-with-the-flow, mow-in-the-row, ride in the bandwagon, so they won't get left behind. The next thing you know, everyone is offering different things that look the same.

It is quite a shame that most officials who got elected on the 2010 elections have neurotic disorders. Where is the brain? Have the zombies taken them yet?

I see no clear reason why we should take this congressman seriously. He's definitely gone nuts. With the rate he's going, the next suggestions could be as close to Anti-Exhaling Bill. There are more important things than picking on kiddie stuff while the National Budget needs proper apportioning. He should get a life, honestly.

9.27.2011 | 08:09

Ad Venture

Leap, seal all the entrances. The hurricane is a hundred miles from our location. One hour is enough vantage point.


I saw the body of the emissary laid flat on the cobbled floor. Crimson. Leap came back minutes later with a blanket of thick fabric. I can hear his heavy breathing with icicles of chilled mist going out of his nostrils.

A verbose mental composition. One sentence left my brain.



Donec non potest inveniri.
Find which cannot be found.

9.23.2011 | 05:18

Living A Lie


I wanna tell the world that your my girl and that I'm your man
And I wanna tell the world that you got me, why can't we be
I can't put my name on your kiss
And I can't speak your name from these lips

We froze,
And nobody knows.

Have to walk out the room everytime you call,
Telling everybody I ain't seen you in so long,
It feels like I ain't breathing
This feels worser than cheating.

We're out here living a lie.

9.16.2011 | 19:30

The Other Road

Looking back at the trailmarks that I have left, I realized how Time flicked my innocence between its fingers. It got me on limbo. What seemed like God-knows-how-long was wasted on pointless deliberations... After disentangling myself from its sticky web, I was struck, for none can stanch the grief of trying to win a losing fight.

Eons later, passing through a whirl of colors and specific blurred photos of my history, I reach the busy shore of a disturbed sea. I stand alone in the midst of an island: alone, wavered, taunted by the waves at my solitude.

Then I meet The Scheduler.
The Real Scheduler
How are you doing? My friend Time told me so much about you.

I hesitated. It was not the right time to talk about Time. Silence crept in. It usually does, when Time is sleeping.

We must not invite Silence in, come, let us have a walk.

The Scheduler and I were walking on the waters. I thought I saw a mermaid's golden tail several feet below.

It's about time that I see you, tricky creature. What's on your list for me?

The Scheduler took my hand. His was warm and comfortable. It felt like James'. He examined the lines of my palm, raised his brows, before speaking.

What is it that your heart wishes?

For the second time, I hesitated. However, Silence cannot creep in the wavy waters.

Ah, so you got tired of This Road, that you want to get back to the Other Road?

For the last time, I'm speechless. Something in me holds it back, digresses. The brink of my soul launches this impalpable arrow to the depths of her heart. She dodges.


Joe, take it slow.
One, two, baby steps...

9.14.2011 | 08:46

Pottermore

IDDK! It's not that I don't have time, it's just that I'm too lazy to write down anything.

Oh, so let me talk about my new Pottermore account, yes. I received my second welcome email Monday evening, when I was supposed to review for two exams. Oh crap has it, I indulged and spent the whole night looking around the website.

One of the most exciting parts are the buying of the stuff at Diagon Alley, particularly when buying a wand. I actually tried to lie at Ollivander so that I could have a wand with qualities same as Harry's. Ending: I have 12 1/2", cedar, phoenix feather core. Not bad, eh?

The other most exciting part is the Sorting Ceremony. Here, the Sorting Hat will have to ask you several questions, and mind you, you really have to be honest. I tricked the Hat by answering two made-up attributes. Ending: I was sorted in Slytherin. At first, I didn't really like it, I mean, who would want to be in Slytherin after reading and watching the Harry Potter books and movies? But then, the common room boasts, "Slytherin will help you on your way to greatness". I hope so.

Inside is Wizard Duel (currently on maintenance) and Potion-making which is more than time consuming and stressful if you can't get the right potion. House points, like in the book, can be awarded and deducted to a student for his/her performance. As of this writing, Ravenclaw leads the House Cup and Slytherin lags a step.

If you are wondering what in the world Pottermore is, go here.

To the people who ask how I entered in Pottermore while they cannot, here is a quick explanation. I was able to register for an early access: This early access is granted to 1 million people, to be called beta-testers, to go around the site and give feedback in helping shape a wonderful Pottermore experience once the site fully opens to the general public in October. Right now, the student count at Hogwarts is around 360,000+.

So far, my Pottermore experience is fun, there are a few bugs that I have reported and I hope they act on it soon.

+++

Foundation week at school is nearing, I'm planning to join several events and the preparations are just tedious. I hope to keep up though.

9.12.2011 | 00:28

Two-Face

The Revenant - Andrew Wyeth
I thought I knew you, all along --
Composed of two-faces, you are

one side is clear, vibrant, welcoming
a reflection of knowing
of high esteem for learning
dressed in white, purity instilling

conned, I was after seeing
a face so different from a being
I thought I was just dreaming
never knew of a half that's missing

sometimes we need to delve deeper
search, inspect, rummage for a canker
for we might just discover
an aspect we knew never.

9.11.2011 | 12:23

The Flowers of Justice

It is a bright and sunny day. Jane and her daughter took a cab to the innards of New York City, after buying red and white chrysanthemums from a shop near their apartment.

Where are we heading mom?

It took her a few moments to deliberate.

To your father's grave. She never thought that she could say it, grave. She always knew of it as a workplace, but in ten years, it has become the spot where a mass of victims to terrorism have reached their ends.

An offering to the fatalities in Ground Zero
Acceptance is a part of the cycle, and Jane knew that it has already ended. Justice is served. It is over.

+++

Ten years ago, two majestic, record feat skyscrapers stood on earth in the place now known as Ground Zero. Exactly a decade after, what have we achieved? What have we proven? What are we going forward to?

On Osama bin Laden's death:  Twigs of Fear. This post, for now, is the finality.

+++

I may not be able to give them flowers, all 2996 of them, but I hope this entry is enough to carry out my sentiments to the victims of the 9/11 attacks.

9.10.2011 | 08:44

The Tale of the Dagger and the Sword

Once upon a time there was a blacksmith who wanted to forge priced creations out of the metals that he had found.

He obtained the copper from a pavement just across his garden while he unearthed the iron in the mines and applied his sciences on it to create steel.

To start his creation, the blacksmith put a blaze to his furnace and cleaned his hammer of dust. The blacksmith bathed the copper in fire by morning, and hammered the metal by noon. Before darkness fell, he was able to make a sword out of beating the copper, but the blacksmith was not yet satisfied with his craft. For the next day, he planned of making another sword.

After partaking breakfast, the blacksmith put a blaze to his furnace and added elements to make the fire hotter so it could deform steel. He also cleaned his hammer of dust. The blacksmith bathed the steel in fire by day, and hammered the metal by night. The day ended, but the steel was too tough and it did not become a sword out of the day's beating. Calling it a good day's work, the blacksmith took a rest, and decided to continue forging the sword of steel for the next day.

By the morrow morning, the blacksmith put a blaze to his furnace and added the same elements to make the fire hotter. He also cleaned his hammer of dust. However, he noticed that the steel he was so keen to stretch won't make a good sword, so he bathed the steel in fire by day, and hammered the metal to form a long dagger by night. At the end of the day, he was able to make a long dagger out of beating the steel. The steelwork didn't look the same after a second beating but still, the blacksmith was satisfied with his craft. For the next day, he planned of going to town to sell his products.

Little did the blacksmith know that the King had a competition in town. The man who could get the diamond ring out of a burning oven shall be granted lands and animals. However, should the competitor fail, he shall be an army to fill in the King's thinning force.

One wealthy man who had the ambition of owning more than he can handle saw the blacksmith. He deliberated on which to buy, the tarnished-looking dagger or the shiny sword. He asked to buy the copper sword for one hundred pieces of gold. The blacksmith, after finding it as a good bargain, sold the sword to the man.

More and more commoners tried different methods to remove the diamond ring from the burning oven but none was successful. For every attempt, another was added to the queue of the King's new army.

The last to try was the wealthy man. He bragged of his sword as one which can stand the hottest of fires. The King found him annoying, and decided to change the rules to the last leg. The winner, from then on, shall replace him as King while the loser shall give his wealth to the royals and be as servant. The wealthy man did not present worry and was rather stirred by the greater reward for winning.

The man slowly inserted the copper sword in the burning oven but within minutes, the sword had melted. The man was furious and very disappointed that he kept on yelling guttural noises. The King's army pacified the wealthy man and took all of his belongings for the royal's own.

The King became way greedier that he looked for more people to join his competition. The blacksmith had nothing to lose so he obliged in trying the challenge. With the use of his long dagger made of steel, he tried to pounce for the diamond ring which is inside the burning oven. Minutes of exposure to heat and to the hopeful eyes of the captives, the blacksmith almost gave the job up, until he was able to feel something hit the tip of the dagger. He pushed this time, and to his surprise, saw a diamond ring clinging at the end of the metalwork.

The King stomped his feet in disbelief. There was a stir from the captives and the King was ensnared, after which, loud and triumphant voices filled the townsquare. The blacksmith, being the new king, was hailed.

+++

Sometimes, people think they already got the best just because of looking at what is obvious. The thing is, one thing better cannot be found on the surface: Like the two metalworks, only that which has already stood the tests of time, decision-making and patience can be worthy. This could mean that, even if the outside is dull, there will always be an ultimate test which will make known to others the one which is more valuable and worthy.

+++

I haven't written stories like this for a while. Feels refreshing. :)


9.08.2011 | 12:31

How Can I Decide

On what's right?
When you're clouding up my mind
I can't win your losing fight
All the time.


How did we get here?
I used to know you so well.



Location: Ur-belt

9.07.2011 | 11:58

Experience Manual

Dynamics alone is not sufficient to shift a boulder of circumstance. The mechanics of elucidating hot water requires propinquity with the genesis itself. Retrospecting our first concurrence with Science, we will be reminded that the inception of a fact-finding, fault-disproving methodology is 'Identification of the problem'.

Expectations are arbitrary and it won't answer to aftermaths. Than the explicit, there must be a pull to discover what it is beneath. A search, a research, a discovery, or sometimes even plainly reading the lines is more than adequate for enlightenment.

If admittance is a predicament to ingress borders, then most substantially, the resistance is a factor of pride. Pride is none but a matter of personal misconception. Ergo, employing veridical notions and letting free of impartialities will succor to its elimination.

For in the absence of a standard will be confusion, it is wise to use moral values inherent in the society. Beware: A horde executing ecuminical undertakings does not equate to propriety; everyone else doing or believing on a whim does not proceed to mean that it is correct.

A stand, thus, must be firm, yet, must be of fair judgment.

Experience told us to be mindful. It will always be of great advantage to be inquisitive in experience, and never to assume we know-it-all. We recount our dealings and come out of the shell as refined shellfishes.

9.06.2011 | 06:04

Solve for 'x' (ex)

It started as a tweet yesterday afternoon. I noticed that the 'x's are off the mill doing something, but I shrugged unnecessary ideas.

I tweeted this about twelve hours ago, and it sparked ideas from other tweeople, too.
If x = 0, then x + x = 0!

Do not over analyze, its just an equation, pero kung biter-bitteran ang peg mo sa dalawang ex mo na nagkakamabutihan, there you go.

A sound advice if the x keeps on coming back.
After a long time, here's another math post. I hope its not too 'nosebleed' since its just Algebra. Have a good one. :)

9.05.2011 | 07:50

Stuck On You


        For how many times have I trailed this road --
           the long,
           the winding,
           the cobbled,
           the muddy,
        and still fall on nature's booby trap?

                             I thought that,
                             mastery,
                             along with flattery,
                             will make me an expert!

                   but no,
                   everyday...
                                   the  rules  change
                                   taking our wisest,
                                   and    leaving    us
                                                      stuck.



I'm stuck on you,
and I don't know what to do.
Should I give up?
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?

9.04.2011 | 22:39

Random with Kiro

Eksena: Sa isang japanese resto, may cutie na guy. Bortalicious si koya.

Kiro: Kanina pa pagala-gala.
Me: Oo nga eh. May hinahanap?
Kiro: Type ka ata.
Me: F*ck you. Hindi noh. Malabo yun, may kasama siyang babae.
Kiro: Gf?
Me: Oo. Ay. Shet. Love is blind.
Kiro: Di ko kaya makita, wala akong salamin diba?
Me: Haha, basta, true love. Ay! Baka nanay niya?
Kiro: (tingin sa likod) Daanan natin mamaya.

+++

Eksena: Sa bus, pagkababa ni koya na ka-column namin, dun siya sa two seater kami sa three seater.

Kiro: Si kuya kulang na lang bayaran yung tatlong upuan dito sa likod eh.
Me: Dami mo talagang napapansin!
Kiro: Eh kasi naman, kung makatingin hindi normal.
Me: Malay mo ba kung ano lang!
Kiro: Ikaw kasi tinitignan.
Me: Whatever. Ikaw kaya. Ui naalala ko yung katabi ko sa bus kagabi. Kung makatingin kala mo walang bukas.
Kiro: Pano ba tumingin?
Me: Ganito (titingin ng matagal tapos lilingap lingap sa paligid)
Kiro: Ay, alam na yan!
Me: (Sighs)

+++

Eksena: Sa mall, naglalakad papunta sa Edsa after manood ng Zombadings.

Me: Ang cute talaga ni Martin Escudero!
Kiro: Nakakatawa yung movie noh?
Me: Oo, spoiler ka nga lagi eh. Nakakainis. Ayun. Buti na lang hindi totoo yung gaydar.
Kiro: Oo nga, kasi ang dami sigurong nadedz sa loob.
Me: Oo nga, chaka nun.

+++

Try niyo panoorin ang Zombadings 1: Patayin sa Shokot si Remington. Awaaard ang movie na itech! :)

9.03.2011 | 08:03

Cum Home

Past dinner. Darkness of the heavenly pitch blends with torrents of drizzle, forbidding the forbidden. However, rain can neither stop the unstoppable.

Less than five minutes was spared to reaching his abode. The footsteps that my flip-flops were making on the collected water at the pavement echoed sibilantly over the garage to their front door. Enter, a voice from inside the house sounded.

He was topless, only with boxer shorts on. I wore a sleeveless top and just-above-the-knee shorts. He greeted me with a tongue-twister kiss. He passed from his mouth an imported mint candy to mine. I beamed at him, and he led me to his bedroom.

He has a spacious den. The bed had a green stick-on note with a hastily scribbled Cum Home. He introduces me to his room which will become witness to our encounters on damp ber-nights like this. This night will be its reference for calibration.

I grinned at his thoughtfulness. Unusual as the sign is like a Do Not Disturb doorknob hanger to a newlywed couple, the encounter that night is second honeymoon.

He peeled off the note and invited me to join him in the bed. I obliged. My sense of touch that night was numbed by the cold. His steaming disposition negated the numbing and I succumbed to his forceful arms that hugged me, almost asphyxiating me. He kissed me and my hand started going all over him, particularly to his boxer shorts. He was already sporting a hardon.

I jacked him off while we were kissing madly as lovers do in times of war. His appreciation of my twisting hand came by a nibble on my lower lip which I didn't much appreciate. I replied the nibble with a soft bite and a tickle on his side. He reacted a little unexpectedly and we wrestled. Our tongues wrestled.

He took my top clothing off and he started doing my torso. He licked every inch of my upped body in the most desirous method. I was speechless apart from the moans that filled his room. The heat was too much that I felt blood instantly pumped on my dick. The guy needed no second telling, for he instinctively knew where to go. He knew what he was doing and its immediate effect.

(Take note that he and I have not met for a long time, and as my friend Kiro coined over dinner, we christened his new room on their new house. Very fitting, one fubu is for goodbye, another welcomes me with a new room. Cool.)

End. No worries, since we are already neighbors, you'd get much substance in the days to follow. :P

8.31.2011 | 20:31

Fubu Hits the Margin

I woke up that early evening to a text message:
Tara, dito tayo samin, wala si Kuya.
I immediately went downstairs for a shower; my mom might get back from the grocery store and that would bust my escapade. I took two pictures of meself: one before and one after the bath.

After gearing myself up, I checked my phone back and hiya~ two missed calls. This guy missed me, didn't he? I bought with me my wallet and a hanky on the way to his house.

Right after shower. I'm so un-worked out, shy to post this one.
I dropped by a 7/11 store to buy condoms and lube, since I was out of stock (read: sexless four weeks) and this night has a steamy and action-filled forecast. I took a jeep to their place which is actually less than a kilometer away.

When I reached his place, he had dinner served for me. I begged off the offer to dine with him, not that I didn't like it, but because I came there for a purpose and eating literal food was not it.

He looked a little disappointed. Did the drink have something in it? I don't know, and I don't care. I won't touch his concoctions. He moved towards me and gave me a hug. A tight koala hug. I was a little confused that I just went with the flow. No one was captain to the ship, and I let him start the engine.

"The hug is for what happened to you, I read in your blog," he whispered to my ear and he started licking the backside of it. Tingly. I pushed him away and I kissed him in the mouth. His breath smelled of mint. I took control this time, initiating a fencing of tongues. I tied him a cherry stem and he responded with a soft moan. We gravitated towards his sofa, we were still torridly kissing until he was laid down and I am on top of him, clenching the sofa for support.

I pumped with our trousers in proximity and in less than a minute, he manifested a boner. I teased him by borrowing lines from a porn read, "something wants to get out of there," pointing to the area with my lips. He kissed me again while he uncaged the snake inside. We both removed our shirts and I went to his nipples. I encircled it with my tongue and he let out another soft moan which turned me on.

After doing his two chests, I went down on his treasure trail, following it by my tongue down to the snake. It was salivating and ready to bite. I used my thumb to take the precum away and I started playing with the head of his cock. I don't know the drill because I'm not a good cocksucker so I withdrew after a minute. He didn't complain so I guess my performance was enough to satisfy.

It was his turn to please me. He let me lie on the sofa and took my shorts off after. He was a natural at foreplay: he knew where to navigate his tongue, the brisk transition from kissing to licking my torso, licking my neck and armpits, my abdomen and the treasure trail to the already hard member. He sucked my dick in a very pleasuring manner, savoring his saliva while letting some intentionally flow down the shaft, moving from the head to the balls and eating it whole. The lone sound of his attempts pumped more blood to my cock and I was delirious with his every dive and wicked slurp.

After servicing my member to its full hardness, we went back to kissing. I can never explain how kissing is vital to me, and he knew that fact before inviting me over. This time, he pumped while on top of me, creating friction between our groins. He definitely knew how to sustain an erection.

I temporarily suspended our tongue fight scene and pulled out the strawberry flavored condom from the pocket of my trousers. "Coat me," I mouthed. He gave a devilish one-sided grin and opened the pouch with his teeth. He played at the contents, pinched the end and unwrapped the protection from the head to the end of my shaft. I feel hornier seeing someone put a condom on me.

"Bend over," I commanded. He willingly did so, as he took over my place and I stood. I took the lube and toyed at his hole with my thumb. I felt for his time to relax and when his nerves settled, I attacked his opening slowly, until I got the whole of my dick inside him. He gave out a loud moan, but I didn't draw back, I pulled and pumped from a slow to a faster tempo. Our bodies were adjoined and he moved with my rhythm, followed the flow of my thrusts.

I asked him to lay flat on the sofa, like planking, and I entered him at that position. The tightness gave me a rush and I went berserk for I was about to come. I kissed him in the nape while pumping at my most controlled yet fastest, withdrew the condom and ejaculated at his back. He faced me and just in time, I spilled at his tummy, my manjuice. He started ejaculating and I kissed him until he finished his turn. Good charms, he smiled and I asked him if we could take the shower together.

The heat was not washed by the cold water flowing from his shower, we kissed and teased each other with the way we handled the soap. If we were on a glass encasement, steam would have formed.

After the shower, I dressed up and he asked me to stay for a while. I was puzzled, for whatever purpose I was there for had been met. I saw no reason to lengthen my stay.

"Joe, I think I'm falling for you," he said in a low note.

I looked down at him while he is sitting in the dining chair. I did not deliberate on his words. I shrugged. A fuck buddy connection is one with no strings attached. I reminded him of that on our first meeting over a year ago. His statement hit the margin, and so much happened over a span of two weeks that I cannot add this mess to the pile which is already present.

I didn't say a word. I just kissed him and said goodbye.

8.30.2011 | 19:57

The Yiruma Project

For the past three months, I have been having test shots to maximize the video capabilities of this small widescreen camera that I got. I have shot landscapes as well as macros, but I'm still catching on cinematography.

My first project was a short film posted on one of my old blogs, called Facts of the Wind, shot in 720p 60f. Facts of the Wind is all about climate change. I won't be that generous with the link because I don't think I was able to do something good on post-prod (most especially on the low-light and timelapse scenes) so nevermind. LOL

The best Yiruma concert shot I have searched over the internet. He is so cute!

This new plan, The Yiruma Project, is a subject requirement (music video) and I thought of compiling Yiruma's compositions by merging at least three songs in one playing. I am currently drafting the sheet music for this, and honestly, it's not that easy. I have to grope with two elements, video and music, and come up with a 5-minute video. Whoop.

I need suggestions for the three/four songs. Can you help me choose? River Flows in You should be one -- it is my favorite (LOL) and it is base for all the other compositions, so I need two/three more. Any opinion will be very much appreciated. :)


8.29.2011 | 08:51

When The Trusted Gets Busted

I could be the toughest man for all you know.
However, there are several unique times when I am subject to agony: vulnerable, helpless.
Break my trust, and you must know how to earn its toll.

For the past two weeks after the breakup with James, I have been on some entanglement. Yes, call me a slut and label me with nouns, no problem. I trusted very few people with this information, and one of them is Concerned Citizen No. 3 (CC3), numbering with the order of precedence in knowing. I trusted CC3 for the hope that he will discern any need for advice imperative to me.

I was not disappointed for he performed the task well. I even felt vindicated with my little adventure but he was not supportive. I understood: he wanted me to work out the remaining usable form of connection that James and I still have, and convert it back to our old ways.

A few days passed and he befriended the guy pursuing me. This act was most weird. I mean, why would he do it? Doesn't he have enough friends? There were subliminal doubts, but being the me who finds justice in every deed, I interpreted this as a move of getting closer to both of us, to know more things, to understand the nature of the complexity.

I was wrong. He is a con artist at the peak of his career.

I intentionally didn't talk to him about Twitter Guy (TG) for the following days when one day, he excitedly told me on how TG and him are doing some flirting and that TG could be really sweet and caring. I tried to extract as much information so I could work on how to deal with them bastards, but CC3 apparently felt that I was not on the mood with all his TMI and resorted to telling me to have a good night. As if that would make my night? Well, it did make my night.

All along, TG has been telling me feel-good stuff like he really, really liked me and he wanted me to become his boyfriend. I was always aware of that idea but I kept it on the side since having another boyfriend without the three-month spaceout would consume me with fire like wood dipped in gasoline. I remained happy with the way he openly expressed his thoughts and with the assurance the he gave me on his feelings, how unswayed he is, and how he would want to pursue his emotional urges on me.

Then all of a sudden, I felt guilty for James. I remember talking to another Concerned Citizen, the No.1. He told me to suspend my hospitality to these expressions because it will not look good if I get dragged again in just a short period of time after a breakup. So I decided to tell TG via a DM to divert his feelings to other people who deserved it, and let me be, without explaining anything.

His first expression, surprisingly, was not defiant, given all his honesty on expressing how he liked me. He said that even if he did not understand, he will do my request. However, he kept on sending me SMSs. I found this act, again, most weird. I thought that he would leave me after the things I told him. Like a fly roving around a piece of meat, he was still there, intent. He was looking for me. I was muttering, what the hell?

I sent him a text message asking how things are doing. He reaffirmed his feelings on me, but something holds him back, which I guess was referring to my indefinite statement on the DM. I felt that the time was ripe to tell him the story, on how CCs told me to be fair to James and take at least three months before engaging in another relationship or affair. He gave me a series of random vomits like "Well... Shit..." and "Oh, fuck, yeah..." and "How could I have been so stupid...". I thought that it was all about a fact that he was supposed to know which he is now reminded of. Later, I knew why he reacted eerily.

We continued talking and there he was with his flattery, again. I was half-expecting him to stay with me for that span. He assured me that he will use the time to get closer to me and that our status was suspended in the middle of lovers and friends. He pledged for taking one guy at a time, and that guy was me. TG said all of that. I was glad to ascertain his remarks and I guess as human, there is nothing bad in investing a little of my emotional connections to this man. He is very honest with his heartbeat spikes and anyone would be just stone-hearted to ignore these declarations. Both of us decided to use the intervening time to make the other feel special.

Night came and CC3 frantically announced that he received a proposal from another guy but he turned it down because he is already taken. Oh, so after all the things that he promised to tell me, this one did not reach me. He told me that they, he and his boyfriend, will tell me when I am ready. The statement was beyond every oddity on earth. How will I not be ready to know something?

Like a light bulb, understanding dawned on me. The previous text messages. The way he described TG. Everything. I was able to tie the loose ends, but I needed solid evidence. Impenetrability.

I knew of a catalyst which will give me an immediate product to the chemical reaction. I used this on TG, and it was effective. He confirmed his connections with CC3. Crap has it, my blood pressure doubled in an instant. 

I didn't reply because I can't even comprehend the words. I was thinking of crying but there was nothing to cry at. The body has became ash and as fast as that, I have tried to shut them off from my life, no matter how they explain. There can be nothing more grave than this. I felt conspired at, ridiculed. I felt helpless. This is the first time that I encountered this experience, and I learned a lot from it. I was in pain. I was thinking: Will there be something beyond pain, that can be much hurtful? Will it be death? How painful will it become if it is the most agonizing?

They could admit to be stupid and sorry for all they want, the hell I care. But how can one be sorry if he knew exactly what he was doing? To me, there is nothing to talk about. Let the heavens be my judge. I hope the next time I give my trust to people, I'd know them first. I was very disappointed with how these two educated bitches acted. Clearly, graduating from college is not an assurance that we learn moral values and have integrity on our words.

I curse you CC3 and TG with infertility. May you have a miserable relationship and life in sum. May your bodies rot in hell. Should you regret, forget about it. You have done enough damage and when the trusted gets busted, there is simply no way of mending.

Okay, back to regular programming.

8.27.2011 | 23:00

Impenetrability

No two things can exist --
at the same place,
at the same time.

8.24.2011 | 16:17

Five Hundred First September

If there is a sleeping pill, then you are the tablet that wakes me up.

Five hundred and one Septembers ago, you and I shared the same room, the same bed, the same blanket. When I open my eyes I would see your long eyelashes meticulously curved above your eyelids, refracting the little sunlight passing through the capiz window in my roomy quarter. The sight of your angelic, young face on an early Saturday morn is simply tonic to my hibernating veins.

We tread along the enervating garden of our youth: by summer, the May branches robustly picks its might, facing the unstirring sun with vigor; by rainy season, the June twigs fold themselves on the puffing gale; by calm Septembers, the earthlings move in and out of the ground to renew a daily need for movement.

Everything was going perfect between the two of us until one bizarre September, I saw you boarding a train with another man. I never asked, I never went to know, I just knew that seeing you leave on that train was coterminus with seeing you. It was an exclamation point bordering on an ellipsis and reaching the finality with a period.

It were those excruciating images of the leaving train and your entwined hands that are vividly haunting my sleepless Octobers up to this day.

You were the only girl that I hoped to be with for ten million more Septembers but the impossibility of a renewal is just as elusive as an aberrant apple tree in the center of the Sunken Garden, very unnecessary. Our future can be told by the dead leaf clinging on to a branch on the onset of a typhoon. I am waiting for the last ant to enter Noah's Ark devoid of further emotions as the Ark closes. By October I will be drowning.

If punishment is absolute, then leaving my sanity is worse. I only have you on my mind, and that is enough to cleave me for a million more Septembers of hits-and-misses.

8.23.2011 | 14:10

Pomme de Terre

It was ominously cloudy and a day before Thanksgiving, the Arkinton siblings are driving to Nemo, Missouri. They attended a family affair without their parents and are going back home for the holiday.

The eldest of them was already insisting to go because they won't make it early if they delay the ride.

"Come on, Percival, just a picture for memories' sake!" his aunt Margaret pressed.

"But we really need to go, it might rain anytime..." he asserted. "We had a great time, though. Enjoy your weekend."

"Okay, we better do it while you're on the car. And, give these to my sister, will you?"

"Alright aunt. We really hope to stay but mom and dad can't come here, so we need to get back."

"No problem, send them our love. Be safe," his aunt resorted.

Click.

The camera ticked, and their beams were imprinted on film just before the car accelerated.

A few miles from their aunt's mansion, rain suddenly poured. The tiny droplets hitting the windshield became larger drips which created loud planks at the roof of their buggy. His younger sister Amy said that they should find a temporary stop and let the rain arrive at a calm. However, Percival was upholding to his decision of not letting any further delays.

They drove past overgrowth of trees, fields and open lands but the rain has not stopped still after three hours. On a particular edge of the road after leaving Pittsburgh, it became darker because of more trees preventing the scant light coming from the sky when...

They reached a cliff which led their car into a deep lake. The picture that their aunt had taken was the last of the Arkinton siblings' smiles.



8.22.2011 | 10:26

A Champion of Words

He was supposed to be our rallying point. Now that he's gone, our country won't ever be the same.


Nisan turned eleven that day. He never expected that his birthday would yield a massive event which took the country by a singular blow. Somewhere in the depths of his thoughts, his wish was to have the dictator flee from office and let freedom be a commodity which everyone can enjoy.

This day remarks its unbecoming.

The news of the assassination of a celebrated lawmaker shook not only his cornerstones of hope, but of others, too. Having a penchant for positive things, Nisan was almost conned into a happily ever after. Almost there.

Nisan wanted to have a career in public administration, and the senator was a very bright influence to sparkle a voracious ratiocination. Now gone, laid on a glass catafalque, and mocked by his opponents, the poor man has served an indefinite purpose after all his passive subversion. The kid was bound to follow the steps of this man, even if it would lead him to the man's grave.

It was a concussion for the boy. However, fate has games of equivalent proportions. Call it a wheel of misfortune, the administration was thrown out even after the senator's death. His dying for the Filipino people did not go to waste.

Being a believer is not a waste of time. Nisan had to believe in a lot of things since he became an orphan. He had to hold on to the sufferings long enough to emerge tough albeit windswept.

Twenty eight years later, Nisan has already reached the uttermost parts of the country to instill in people the good that believing can bring. His man faced death but was never disheartened by the predominance of the archenemy. So did he emulate such.

+++

Being an orphan, a nun in Hospicio de San Jose made fun of a car brand which was given to him as his name, ergo, Nisan San Jose.

From this point on, we will project Nisan's perspectives on that eleventh birthday, every twenty-second day of August.


Credits go to Dabo for illustrating a fraction.

8.17.2011 | 07:38

Si Eugene at Ang Walang Wala

Matagal na nung huli akong manood ng Tagalog movie sa sinehan, at ang last yata until this week eh yung One More Chance na kasama kong pinanood ang ex-girlfriend ko. Oh, anong say ng title sa status namin? Haha.

Nung Monday, nanood ako ng Ang Babae Sa Septic Tank with my UP friends sa SM North. Ayoko maging spoiler sana sa mga hindi pa nakakapanood nun pero di ko mapigilan ang sarili ko!

Pero bago ko sabihin yun, nalurkei naman daw akech sa sound system ng SM! May static at brown noise sa stereo network nila! Nakakairita, to the maximum level (dahil ang course namin ay very particular sa mga noise at acoustic networks). Not to mention na yung mga trailers eh na-cut agad. Tapos, may mga 5 minutes of dead air bago i-play ang movie. Nakaflash pa talaga sa screen yung parang DVD player. Anufilch?

Yung umpisa, akala ko boring. Wiz nag-cut at pinasa-diyos and editing at sobrang poor ng lighting! Ansaveeeeh? Alam ko nag-eexist na ang Adobe After Effects at Sony Vegas! Tapos, talagang kinapos sa editing! Nasabi ko na bang na-bore ako sa pag-antay na masalukan niya yung PITONG anak niya ng noodles kasi hindi inedit? Talk about amateur shot. LOL. Pero keri na, umpisa lang yun.

Kinilig ang tinggil ko nung pinakita na si JM de Guzman shet! Ang gwapo gwapo niya. Gusto kong magpaangkin sa kanya. Choz. Ang sarap niya siguro. Choz ulit. Sobrang hagalpak ako dun sa pinansin nila yung FB status ng friend nilang direktor. Wrong gramming kasi siya teh. Kaloka! Haha.

Tapos fast forward na tayo nung mag-meet sila ni Eugene Domingo, medyo di ko type yung musical though ayos lang naman. Grabe, muntik na akong ma-deadsung kasi nabulunan ako sa lafang ko! Hay, inubo-ubo ako dun sa Tatlong Uri ng Acting. Bwiset! Akala mo walang bukas, ang sakit niya sa tiyan!

Fast forward ulit dun naman sa pagbisita nila sa slumps. Sa squatters area sa ibang tawag. Instead na maawa ako sa kanila, tawa ako ng tawa nung binakal yung sasakyan niya! Leche, bakit hindi babakalin eh nasa squatters ka nga! Haha, grabe, kung totoo yun, nakakalungkot isipin. Siguro mag-eemote na lang ako sa isang sulok habang tinitignan ang mga tao na binabaklas ang parts ng kotse ko. Haha. Wagas sa pagmumura sila JM at Kean Cipriano! Parang hindi sila.

Natuwa din pala ako sa konting bromance sa kwento. Nakakakilig hahaha :D

At siyempre, ang best part. Yun na yun! Haha. Ayoko na i-spoil yun.


Nakakatawa, sobra, yung movie, at medyo mapapaisip ka kung saan ito at sino ito, etc. Ang galing ni Chris Martinez talaga, bilib ako sa kanya. Basta pag napanood niyo to, magiging SABAW ang utak niyo at masasabi niyong, WALANG WALA! Haha. Kayo na bahala kung bakit. :)))

8.15.2011 | 10:22

Leave Me Not


Monochromatic
is living without you near
I need you right now.


Primary Color
you are my life's basic hue
fill it, take me in your arms.


Don't store the brush, yet
accept my apology
this time, I'll swear truths.



8.14.2011 | 13:11

A Recollection

It is a cold and damp morning but  nothing serious that  a small umbrella can't fix. Everything is usual aside from the occasional ramblings of the traffic police at the side of the flyover while trying to avoid the spills expelled of flood from charging cars. This scene greets my first school week for August.

Apart from the fact that my birth day is roughly a week from now, there is nothing notable that will take place in the weeks to come. I am still bearing a problem that has been keeping me out of concentration for three days now. This dilemma is something that I cannot share to anyone without me trusting the person with whole conviction. I could only assuage much of my internal struggles to an inanimate object at this very moment.

As I just took a seat in one of the two-seaters of this refrigerated bus, I marveled at everything around me. To my right, across this tempered window, are people trying to get to their businesses: Fast paced, without turning backs. Weird enough, I heard a church bell ring at the Edsa Shrine while I was inside an isolated space inside a bus. To my left and front, are people with earphones on, some spotting conversations with earphones on. How is it possible for them to hear the other? I wonder.

The bus conductor rings his coins in front of these people with headphones on. One guy gives him twenty bucks, the one with new design. The conductor surveyed him thoroughly as if subjecting him to an x-ray. "Cubao po, Farmers." The conductor pulls out three pieces from the bunch of tickets, and hands him several coins.

Everything is apparently an exchange of interactions. The moment you release your part, you must expect to receive another. This is a law according to Sir Isaac Newton. It so happened that, when I made that action, I received an unusual reaction. Energy is equal to the mass of an objected projected to the square of light's speed. By manipulating the variables, can a mass go back in time by changing the plane of reference?

I want time to go back, but when I think about it, I always think of the times when I thought of this, and why it didn't happen. There is no way to turn this back, the only event is for the present to continually move on, forward.

Of all people, why me? Why did this happen to me? A singular teardrop left my right eye and from surprise, I brushed it swiftly with the back of my hand. I could not believe that I will fall into the trap so easy. I was confronted with the fact that after all of my efforts to hide it, it resurfaces in one form to another. A disgrace, I am.

I was praying for the rest of my trip. For almost five years now, I have not prayed for that long. Being prayerful was my older self, and I needed to go back to that disposition. Ergo, the apostolic Joe.

With the aide of my friends, my family, and my brothers and sisters in Christ, I know that all things are possible.


+++


This post was supposed to be published 1st of August. Right now, I can say that I have successfully got past that test.

Earlier in the church, I can't express the belonging that I had with His word: how it abashed me, got me naked but altogether healed my spirituality. Have a blessed Sunday. To Him be the glory!

8.13.2011 | 02:02

Differential



Haha. Geek mode. Hoy Wil, eto na ang sagot ko. Di ko alam kung tama yan, 3 years ago na ang Differential Equations ko.

8.12.2011 | 10:30

The Twink-Cougar Love Affair

“belated..happpppppeeeee bertdei..wish u ol the best!!!”

There he was. After more than two weeks of hibernating in a deep hiatus called “Space Away from My Boyfriend”, he miraculously appeared in my facebook profile and gave me a surprise greeting I never counted on. If the medium is the message then his greeting was definitely an utter declaration of his preference to literally talk to the wall than directly to me which was quite consistent to his disappearance when he decided to join NASA to be an astronaut and explore his own space. Two weeks of no response to my messages which was previously accounted to his malfunctioning phone or insufficient balance to text to other networks (talk about cheap alibi), his uncalled for apparition was as sudden as Ricky Martin’s coming out of the closet: timely but unnecessary.

But more than the medium, it’s the language that gave me a feeling of humiliation on his behalf, the restricted kind that you get when while having a serious talk with a friend you see some slimy booger skidding out of his nostril. The way he spelled "happy" with 7 Ps and 5 Es, and the word "birthday" like a person who worships Salbakuta would pronounce and spell it, combining it with inappropriate use of punctuation.. marks.. and shortened spellings of "all" and "you" (cummon, he could have saved some effort typing Ps to spell them correctly ), I finally accepted what I had long been trying to deny to myself for two long weeks we were together: I fell in love with a jejemon.

All along, I thought that being 28 and having a five-year experience in my love resume would make me an expert in dating. But I guess my age and experience had only qualified me as a cougar when I got swept away by someone six years younger than me bearing an indubitable charm that masked his jejemonic tendencies. It was a whirlwind romance catapulted by our strong online connection. So strong I boarded a bus to Pampanga to meet him for the first time just barely two days after our first exchanges of messages in a social networking site exclusively for people like us (read: desperate lonely people like me.) On the third day of knowing each other, he introduced me to his best friend as his boyfriend. And that’s how, ladies and gentlemen, I learned for the first time that we were officially together.

Just like a futile investment in a network marketing, there was no turning back and I knew I was about to be doomed. There were red flags everywhere reminding me that the very foundation of our relationship was as strong as a cobweb trying to remain intact against the wind of typhoon Ondoy. We were so different in many aspects. It was like matching a kangaroo with a rabbit and expecting them to bear an armadillo. But I just simply brushed off these red flags consciously and unconsciously mainly because I enjoyed his company for the most part and, admittedly, I wanted to stretch it for as long as I could so it could last until my birthday which was just barely three weeks away.

Truthfully, I found his simple living quite charming. He would prefer to ride the jeepney over an FX even if the five peso difference in the fare was not worth the smoke and dust airbrushed on our faces. He would refuse to go to the mall for a date, but would be inclined to stay home where we could simply make the most out of our time just canoodling like slimy worms put in a jar. He was a generous philanthropist to his friends, giving away his Fossil watch or a bottle of expensive perfume in return to small favors such as helping him pacify an irate customer at work. (I wondered what he would give when someone would try to save his life). But the charm of his simplicity was quite fleeting. As days passed, evidences of him being a jejemon started to surface like panicky cockroaches on the wall foreboding a heavy downpour of rain.

For one, our conversations were limited to what happened to his day, usually the shit ones that took place while dealing with his customers on the phone. When I tried to inject some opinionated questions such as what he thought about the movie we watched he would simply give me one-line answers like “it’s good” or “nice”. And then he would move on to bragging on how he hung up on a difficult customer because he needed to take a shit. I judge a person’s likeability based on his passion. I asked him once what was his. After minutes of blabbering, he settled on sleeping as his final answer and then he laughed hysterically like it was really really funny. I pitied him at that moment.

But the biggest factor that spelled the difference in our age and highlighted his jejemonic inclination was how he handled arguments. Actually, he never did. He always stayed out of it either because it was too much of an effort for him to think of counterarguments or it was just too much of an effort for him to think. Period. So when something exasperated him, he would just walk out on me in the middle of a busy street and shut me off like I never existed in his life. When he said he didn’t want to talk to me, he meant it like a curse. It was like saying sorry to a statue. No amount of pleading and apologizing would make him talk to me again. One night, we were snuggling each other like it was our last night being together when without warning, he just shoved me and got furious with me as if I committed the gravest crime. Turned out, he got irritated by the stubbles on my chin that kept poking his skin. I plead for apology like a hungry dog begging for a piece of bone until I got tired and finally walked out on him. Indeed, that was our last night being together. The next day, he started being indifferent to my existence. He stopped responding to my messages and started barring my calls, which I learned later through his bestfriend, was his way of telling me that he wanted me out of his life for an indefinite amount of time. I never heard from him again until the day after my birthday when I read the birthday greeting I never expected.

I was staring on the monitor for a long time contemplating on whether to respond to his greeting or just pretend that I overlooked on it. But when I viewed our pictures posted in his album, I couldn't help but be transported back to the wonderful moments I had with him. The inexplicable mixture of feelings of giddiness and humiliation I had when he held my hands and kissed me in public like he was really proud to declare to the world that I was his boyfriend. The way he would respond, “I love you more” like it was the only honest thing he said in his life each time I told him I love him. The insurmountable joy I felt at the sight of his face while watching him sleep. These memories made me realize me that, after the death of a dream with the ending of my five-year relationship prior to the one I had with him, I could still lose myself and be in love like I had never been hurt before.

“Thanks J***. It's nice to hear from you again," I responded after some careful thoughts.

Surprisingly, despite his disappearance left unexplained, I meant it in a very forgiving way.


Postscript: In as much as I would have wanted to write this story, I found a better version. This story is not mine. I didn't make any revisions whatsoever, and credit goes to atticus1982.

Unquote Joe

Most of the time, tact is not for the intelligent. It takes a great deal of 'being there' to realize that something else is going on.
+++
Albeit Greatness speaks of an effort-filled voyage, the shortest trail en route is the way down.

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