3.23.2012 | 00:46

Detriment Diaries

Today I thought that being with a guy I barely knew would make me feel happy. I skipped my review class for there was something missing that morning. Orange juice, or the butter on the toast was unsalted? There was no way to figure it out.

We shopped some clothes and made out in the fitting room. Ate lunch, discussed matters.. It was then that I realized how the person lacked intellect. I was half thinking if we should pursue the movie; we watched anyway. He got really annoying because he wanted to hold my hand when I'm trying to encompass all the details while comparing it to the book. I gave him a smack which should have been enough for his silence yet he continued budging. I gave in to his request.

In truth, I have never felt lonelier than early today. Surviving from a deuce will never be my thing. There is always a wonder how I get conned when I know my capabilities well, when I know the capacity of my defenses.

Yet, without flicker, the sweet words gnaw my shield and corrode me.

Which leaves me the loser.

I never give someone more that six hours of my time if the person ain't worth it. Whatever this another experience told me, it is that I never really learn when it comes to trusting people in general. They befriend me, thus providing a room for more skeezy attempts, like taking things a notch higher. When matters get crowded, they just leave me like crap. Not even having a single damn about looking back, no respect to how I disclaimed the reversion to friendship should the step up conk out.

Whatever this another experience told me, it is that I'm the dumbest person when it comes to this arena. I present myself as the kingpin so when the ball goes rolling, I'm on the frontline of it. Having yourself reminded of the mistakes you made is not a happy advent, but a mordant.

When I think of those happy times, it makes me realize, how come trivial things always become the reason?

I just want something real in my life. I'm tired of these fancy things happening around me..

42 comments:

  1. Was the movie Hunger Games? Often, heart and mind are in discord, especially when novelty is in the equation. I say, go for quality, for someone you see yourself on the long term with, and not some convenient distraction to wile away your free time.

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    1. Yeah, the movie was Hunger Games.

      Exactly what I tried to do. But I just came from that devastation, and in the attempt to move forward, I got another guy to play with. And as it shows, it didn't work well.. The guy wasn't at all this convenient distraction..

      Delete
  2. no, that doesn't make you dumb or a loser. it's just like that. we try and try and then we figure things out afterwards. besides, you know what you want. don't settle for something na di mo naman like. and yeah it's given na may mga ganun lang din talaga. we just need to try to know which type they are. (o sige na nga, easy to say but hard to do. haha)
    basta, isipin mo nalang na not everyone gets the chance to make out in the fitting rooms! haha chos lang :D
    hayyyy made me remember yung mga taon na in demand pa ako. ahihihi. ngayon kasi inaagnas na ako. haha!
    ganun din, guy trying to hold my hand sa sinehan. but i didn't want to and medyo naasar s'ya but kebs ko ba? haha chos lang, i just told him na i didn't feel like doing it yet. pa-virgin lang ang image ko nun. haha!
    anyway basta, naniniwala ako na kung talagang di nagwork eh hindi iyon ang balak para sa atin ni fairy godmother. haha!
    good luck green!
    teka anung happy moments ba yan? click the share button na! hihihi charot! :D
    nasobrahan lang ako sa kape, pasensya na. haha :)

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    1. Yow sin at work. Apparently, you and Red got the same thoughts. I say that, there is a difficulty on my end when it comes to the "sorting process".. not that everyone thinks it is easy.

      LOL at the fitting room thing. It is aside the point.. I'm trying to show how I tend to be fast at times then I realize it won't be enough to sustain..

      Moments? It refers to the other person, the reason why I had to date this guy..

      Delete
    2. yep i know it ain't easy. anyway just think of what's happening right now as something like stepping stones towards whoever that guy's gonna be for you. para naman pag andyan na s'ya eh okay na okay ka na. but anyway go lang ng go sa buhay. haha!
      and umeechos lang ako about the other guy. gusto lang kita pagkuwentuhin. haha :)
      sometimes when i get to experience something nice from someone (an ex) eh usually what happens sa akin is i try to find that feeling din with the new ones na kinikita ko. i guess it's natural, although i'm not sure if i should be like that.
      pero still, parang gusto ko din ma-try sa fitting rooms. haha CHOS :D
      i think you still have a lot of time in your hands. you're still gonna find your guy. don't rush :)

      Delete
    3. Oo, ganun nga.. Pero wala akong iikwento kay other guy.. Haha.. Ang weird no, pero yung iba naikukwento ko. LOL

      Wow, ikaw na, ako naman di ako nag-eexpect.. I just go with the flow and treat every relationship differently. Maybe at some point may common pero as much as possible I stay out of it to avoid comparison..

      And the fitting room thing, try lang yun. First time ko ginawa yun. Haha.

      Salamat. Yeah, I'm not rushing.

      Delete
  3. Human as we are, we do make bad decisions. Though a friend once said to me, "Mistakes aren't meant to be regretful. Furthermore, they tend to be life's sarcastic way of joking." He's point? Charge it to experience ☺

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    1. I've bailed on these charges too long Brian. What lacks now is the real deal. All I wanted is something real in my life. I'm too tired of these fancy things going on around me.

      Delete
  4. haha.. you're a sucker for flowery, honeyed words huh? :P -- "Yet, without flicker, the sweet words gnaw my shield and corrode me."

    anyway, ayun.. play around, but be safe.. there's no harm in just enjoying and having fun.. kelangan, longterm agad ang iniisip? kalokang bata.

    it's hard to find a perfect match, joe.. you, of all people, should know that.. but then, again, maybe you just concentrate too much on looking for perfection. when in fact, someone might not have been perfect based on your standards, but he's the perfect one for you.. makes sense?

    ang tanong, sino kaya ang someone na yan? or, kelan kaya siya darating sa buhay mo?

    hmm..

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    1. Aber aber kuya, can you please tell it in an altogether different sentence while still retaining the meaning? Hihi. Naloka ka noh?

      I want something real, kuya. Nakakapagod na rin ang puro ganito. Whoever that person is, I wish if he does come right out of the box to save my day, he'll live up to it. :) Kung kelan, I just wish soon.

      Delete
    2. tse!! hahaha! i wrote a magpie for that.. :P --- "Aber aber kuya, can you please tell it in an altogether different sentence while still retaining the meaning? Hihi. Naloka ka noh?"

      i wish nothing but the best for you, lil bro.. sana nga, you'd find someone for keeps, soon..

      Delete
  5. We can only give in too much of our time, green breaker.

    These experiences are worth learning...

    Next time, you know what to do.

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    1. You always advice like a big brother, G, and most of the time I fail to hit them. I hope this time will be different.. Learning, in a view, is not a one time thing.. It needs to be repeated for retention. Thanks a lot.

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    2. Ah yes, that one mistake cannot foresee future ones.

      Stubborn as you are, I understand.

      It is after all a nature of man to persist.

      Delete
    3. This trait of mine has actually led me to places, kuya. So I'm quite thankful for it. In time, I'll learn these lessons din naman.

      Delete
  6. Don't worry Green. You'll find someone real soon. :)

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  7. There are a lot worse scenarios, darling.

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    1. This is not yet my worst, but please enlighten me with what's yours.

      Delete
  8. Just enjoy being single and happy and everything else will follow..

    from experience though, its never worth it to sell yourself short nor setle for just anyone when you know you deserve someone better.. and i agree that at least, you know what you want..

    just take the kilig words as they are and try not to let it cloud your judgement the next time.. the way you write, your smart and no doubt you'll be more discerning moving forward..

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    1. Thanks for your thoughts and that nice compliment, chard! Sweet words. :) *no, not corroding me yet*

      But how sometimes we tend to forget our standards if we have any, just because of one person, just because we want to prove something.. the wonder of our nature.

      Delete
  9. Isn't there a saying that goes 'never allow yourself to be so desperate that you end up settling for far less than what you deserve,' or something like that. Is that what's going through your head?

    in guy's defense, maybe you're just too (well, I presume) good-looking and his thinking is muddled by your looks. Maybe he's capable of having an intellectual conversation but somehow his sexual frustrations overpowered it. Maybe.

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    1. Somehow.. To deserve someone needs a certain criteria, not altogether dependent on looks. Some people want brains, like me.

      Oh, don't be misled, I AM NOT GOOD-LOOKING. Me thinks he wants only the make out part.

      Delete
  10. I know something real will happen. Don't pressure yourself too much. :)

    Charge it to experience. Wear them proud like battle scars.

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    1. Thanks friend. I always wish to emerge as a victor in these circumstances. Let us wait for something real to happen.

      xo

      Delete
  11. We make our own realities Joe. You may want to ask yourself first, what do you really want, how much can you sacrifice, and where you draw the line when you begin to compromise.

    Just remember that you're still young. Relax and explore. Baka mamaya, dumating yung taong would give you something real, but instead you wake up and realize, it's you who's not prepared to accept it.

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    1. Maybe I could ask that to myself, and get different answers everytime. Which makes me the king of fickle-mindedness.

      Relax and explore is a nice advice! I'd take that, kuya. Sometimes I get too drunk with realities and imaginations that I almost don't know which is which. Minsan lang talaga, gusto mo lang na may nag-aalaga sa iyo.. Ganun lang naman ang nararamdaman ko ngayon..

      Delete
  12. We make our own realities Joe. You may want to ask yourself first, what do you really want, how much can you sacrifice, and where you draw the line when you begin to compromise.

    Just remember that you're still young. Relax and explore. Baka mamaya, dumating yung taong would give you something real, but instead you wake up and realize, it's you who's not prepared to accept it.

    ReplyDelete
  13. as the cliche goes... every experience is a learning experience.

    hay i really don't know what to say. when it comes to that department... i guess ill just get the miss loser crown.

    on the lighter note,wow infairness lagpas 6 hours bonding natin dati. haha :p

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    1. Ganun na nga. Haha! We all are losers, me friend. Loser din naman ako lagi.

      Hahaha, ang adik mo lang. The fact na nagrereply pa ako sa iyo ngayon is more than six hours noh! Hmp. Ikaw talaga. :p

      Delete
  14. I really do think it's the unsalted butter >.<
    Besides, I think you already know my thoughts on this, even if we met too early to bash his bra....oops, I mean to offer consolation.

    On another note, lapit na! Go go go!

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  15. I really do think it's the unsalted butter >.<
    Besides, I think you already know my thoughts on this, even if we met too early to bash his bra....oops, I mean to offer consolation.

    On another note, lapit na! Go go go!

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    1. Wow, look who's back in this space. Hello brother. Of course we've discussed this gazillion times I already sound like a parrot. Hahaha. How stupid of me in not listening. LOL

      Yeah.. Lapit naaaaahhhh.. Nikakabahan na ako.

      Delete
  16. Hahaha he just want to make out at the movies..classic!lol

    Hayaan mo darating din yan...yan din sabi ko sa sarili ko e hehe

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    1. Maybe? I can't say.

      Tama! Darating din yan.. Nandyan lang sa tabi tabi..

      Delete
  17. making chula in the fitting room? PAYTS bisan asa!

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    1. Hahaha! Tomo! Bisan asa equals fun, ain't it? :D

      Delete
  18. Just stay where you are, and wait to be found instead. ^__^

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  19. So ... why do you get conned? A little discernment can go a long way in separating the gentleman from the beast. Or at least, that's what I've heard.

    I hope you're okay sir.=)

    Kane

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    1. Because I'm not careful when it comes to trusting people.. until I realize I'm put in some booby trap, and I'm hurt. Sometimes, discernment doesn't really work for me.. either that or I don't know how to outweigh their show of intentions.

      A week from that and I'm good now.. All good. Thanks Kane.

      Delete

so... what's your take on it?

Unquote Joe

Most of the time, tact is not for the intelligent. It takes a great deal of 'being there' to realize that something else is going on.
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Albeit Greatness speaks of an effort-filled voyage, the shortest trail en route is the way down.

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