11.28.2012 | 21:09

The Midnight Affair

Chapter One: The Awakening


I never thought that Dianne and I would get married. Bago pa man maging kami, our relationship as lovers probably was the toughest. We fight like cats over where to dine (more like forcing the other to decide) or even on the simplest matter of saying our goodbyes that never really end.

I would almost be as ashamed to mention that when we were still teenagers, I'd always get bullied because of my physique. Guys would continue to talk to her despite the fact that we are holding hands, like they don't even notice me. Yung ibang tao kinikilig pag nakakakita ng cute couples. Well, we are not that perfect fit.

Langit siya. She has an angelic face, the "opo, Ma" type that boys would always want to wind for attention. I didn't know how we ended up together.

Oh, yeah. I remember. Dahil lagi na lang akong natutukso, I keep away from them bullies everytime na bakante ang schedule ko. I go to the library. Alam kong walang pumupunta masyado dun. I enjoy the company of books and the cobwebs that cover the (abandoned) bookshelves. One time, hindi ko inaasahan na may tao na pala sa likod ko. That was Dianne. She looked at me eerily. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. No, she didn't look, she examined me. Yun pala, I caught some cobweb on my nose. Damn, akala ko hahalikan niya ako. Feeling ko lang pala yon. Pero kinabahan ako ng sobra na hindi ko maintindihan. From then on I started stalking her. Maybe, just to catch that feeling again.

She may have noticed me. Pero siguro dahil mabait lang talaga siya, she started a conversation. A conversation after another. Isa yun sa mga naging dahilan kung bakit na-ban kami ng dalawang buwan sa library. We just had so many things to talk about.

Minsan pauwi na ako. Then out of nowhere, bigla na lang kasabay ko siya papalabas ng school gate. "Sabay tayo," sabi niya. Napangiti ako at palihim na nagdasal na sana wala munang jeep na dumating. Pero malas, may dumaan. Sa jeep, bigla na lang siyang sumandal sa balikat ko. I don't know why she did that. But it felt nice. I felt the need to keep her head comfortable hanggang sa makababa siya.

At ang sandal sandal, nauwi sa holding hands, sa halikan. Siya ang una ko at ako ang una niya. Ang sarap ng labi niya. Parang hindi ko kayang tigilan. Madalas nag-iinit ang pakiramdam ko at gusto ko siyang hawakan sa iba pang bahagi ng katawan niya pero nakokonsensya ako pag gumagalaw na rin ang kamay niya. Pakiramdam ko hindi tama ang ginagawa namin sa edad namin.

Lumipas ang mga araw at nakarating sa mga kuya niya ang mga balita tungkol sa amin. Bunso si Dianne. Naturally, her brothers would feel protective of her. Inutusan ako ng kuya Lexi niya na pumunta sa bahay nila kung seryoso talaga ako sa kapatid niya. Nanliit ako sa sarili ko nung makita ko ang mga kuya ni Dianne. They are the people you would not - ever - want to cross. The muscled builts and towering stance would always get me stapled on their sofa. They were not really that nice but they tried. Pero pag nawawala ng sandali si Dianne, I would always see Lexi looking at me in an unfriendly way. Like he was scaling me and thinking that I'm someone who doesn't deserve his sister.

That was eight years ago.

Dumaan ako sa isang matinding, sabihin na nating makeover. Pinilit ko na mag-mukhang boyfriend material, yung tipong hindi na tutuksuhin. Kapag nakikita na kami ni Dianne noon, we always hear compliments like "Ang cute niyo naman tignan pag magkasama" or, "Bagay na bagay kayo." Nagkaroon ako ng confidence.

After college, I decided to join an architectural firm. Si Dianne naman, sa isang accounting office sa may Makati nagtatrabaho. Nagpapatayo ako ng bahay para sa aming dalawa simula noong maisipan naming magpakasal. After two years sa trabaho ko, nakapag-ipon na ako ng sapat para doon. Pansamantala, sa bahay nila ako nakatira. Our family moved to Laguna when I started going to college. Uwian pa rin ako so her dad suggested na dun na lang muna ako sa kanila para makatipid daw ako. Anyway, may tiwala na sila sa amin at sa isang bubong na rin naman kami papunta ng anak nila. Kung sa akin lang, kaya ko mag-drive araw araw papunta sa Laguna. Pero gusto ko rin maranasan na mahiwalay sa pamilya ko, para na rin sanayin ang sarili ko.

I found the setup to be extremely beneficial. Halos lagi kami magkasama kaya ang mga balakin namin para sa kasal ay naiplano ng maayos. Pagkatapos naming magpakasal ay nag-leave kami upang mag-honeymoon sa isang isla sa Pacific Ocean. Napakasaya ng mga sandaling iyon. Believe it or not, that was the first time that we had sex. It was liberating. Parang bagong bahagi na naman ng relasyon namin ang nadiskubre namin.

Pagbalik sa Pinas ay napakaraming nagtatanong kung kelan kami magkakaanak. Inaasahan na sa dalawang buwan ay makakalipat na kami sa Makati, sa aming bagong bahay. Hindi muna namin binalak ang baby dahil hindi pa kami nakakalipat at hindi pa replenished ang bank accounts namin matapos ang mga gastos. Tuwang tuwa na sa akin ngayon ang pamilya ni Dianne at maging ang mga magulang ko. Maging ako ay natutuwa. Malaking accomplishment na ang mga nagawa namin thus far.


+++


Isang restday, Dianne went shopping with her friends. May sale daw sa isang malaking mall sa North Ave. Dahil hindi ako fan ng walang kamatayang pagsunod sa isang babae habang namimili, I declined to go with her. I opted to watch the TV and slouch. Hindi ko namalayan na nakatulog pala ako sa sofa. Maalinsangan ang hangin. I was halfway thinking na sumunod sa mall but the amount of people will put me on an eyestrain. Nagulat ako na nakita ko si kuya JB sa upuan na katapat ng sofa. Nakatingin siya sa akin. Nahiya ako dahil sofa nga pala ang hinihigaan ko. Masakit ang ulo ko dahil naalimpungatan lang ako at dala na rin ng init ng panahon.

"Sorry kuya, here, take a seat, I'll go upstairs," sabi ko.

"It's okay Mike. Mukhang pagod ka. I was looking at you because you don't look like yourself."

"What do you mean, kuya?" I'm puzzled.

"You look stressed. Na-try mo na ba magpa-masahe? Effective daw yun sabi ni kuya Lexi," he said, taking the remote from the coffee table.

"No, di ko yan susubukan. Not after what I've heard nung mag-inuman kayo last week," depensa ko.
"Crazy thinking, hindi 'yun' ang sinasabi ko. The legit massage," he said.

I shrugged and went upstairs with my one eye closed. Nung maramdaman ko na may kama, agad akong nag-dive at natulog.

Nagising ako when I heard someone shuffling the drawers. My drawers.

"Sino yan?" I asked. Padilim na at hindi nakabukas ang ilaw.

"JB. I was getting some underwear," he said.

It was very odd. Si kuya JB, kukuha ng underwear sa drawers ko?

"By the way in case you're wondering, you are sleeping in my room. Mukha kang zombie nung umakyat ka at hindi na ako nagtaka na nandito ka."

"Sorry kuya!" Nagmadali akong ayusin ang sarili ko pero binuksan ni kuya ang ilaw. Nakita ko siyang nakatapis lang ng tuwalya. He's soaked, water was dripping from his hair, from his chin, from his chest...

Stop. It was crazy na tinitignan ko ang pagbaba ng mga patak ng tubig sa katawan ni kuya JB. But it was enjoyable. But it was not proper.

"Ayos ka lang, bro?" Tanong niya. "Kwarto ko to. Can you just move to your room, magbibihis na ako eh," he said.

I thought he noticed. Kinusot ko ang mata ko and involuntarily, kinambyo ko ang alaga ko while walking away. It was so hard. I looked at him kung nakita niya yung ginawa ko. Napangisi si kuya. Nakaramdam ako ng hiya.

"Normal lang yan bro. Sige na dun mo na sa kwarto mo yan palambutin," he laughed.
Embarrassed, I left his room in a couple of seconds.

I thought over what I just saw and felt. I couldn't get my memory off his body. It was close to perfect. I never saw him that near before.


+++


Roughly four years ago I started working out. After classes, diretso na ako sa gym pagkauwi. You know this idea na meron kang isang body type na gustong ma-achieve after those strenuous sessions. I was thinking of kuya JB.

No, it was like an obsession. My mantra "gusto ko maging kasing built ni kuya JB" turned overly repetitive but it was effective. In less than four months I've achieved what I really wanted.

Pero sadya yata talagang hindi ako marunong makuntento. Even if the gym people tell me na I got nice chest, abs, biceps and all that, I still work-out for eighteen hours a week . One time, medyo late na ako nag-start dahil I had to finish reading before hitting the bars. Kahit na sobrang pagod, may sense of fulfillment lalo na kapag nalalagpasan mo ang quota mo sa sarili mo. I took a shower and went to the locker rooms but it was slightly open. I could hear a guy moaning from the ajar door. Out of curiosity, I slowed down my movements and tried if I could see them.

"Wag kang umungol, baka may makarinig sayo," sabi nung isang lalaki.

"Alas diyes na, wala ng tao dito. Kantutin mo pa ko, please.." sabi naman nung lalaking umuungol kanina. Nakita ko na nakatuwad siya at tinitira ng isa pang lalaki. Hindi ako makapaniwala sa nakikita ko.

Isang lalaki na kinakantot ng isa pang lalaki. Wala silang bahid ng kahinhinan. The idea was so repulsive but as I see them in front of me, unaware of my presence, it made me feel curious. And horny.

"Shit ang sikip mo, puta ka, ito ang bagay sa iyo," at binayo niya ng mabilis ang lalaking nakaluhod. Nakilala ko siya. Siya ang instructor ko.

Shit, sa isip isip ko. Kaya pala madalas ko siyang mararamdaman na parang sobra na sa hawak ang nagagawa niya. Sadya pala yun.

May mga narinig akong paparating, nag-uusap sila. Narinig din ito ng dalawang nagtitirahan at naalerto sila. Pumunta ako pabalik sa mga showers. Kinabahan ako para sa kanila. Tinagalan ko ang pagligo hanggang sa may kumatok na upang sabihan na magsasara na ang gym. Doon lang ako napalagay na wala na akong aabutan sa locker room.


+++


Gaya ng nangyari sa gym, di ako mapalagay. Ngunit sa pagkakataong ito, iba. Wala akong nakitang nagniniig. Nakita ko lang ang bayaw ko na nakahubo ng pang-itaas. Pero nakapagtataka na mas masidhi ang nararamdaman kong libog. Gusto ko himurin ang katawan niya.

At ngayon ko lang nalaman.

Hindi lang pala inggit ang nararamdaman ko noon kay kuya JB.

Ako ay nagnanasa.

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Unquote Joe

Most of the time, tact is not for the intelligent. It takes a great deal of 'being there' to realize that something else is going on.
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Albeit Greatness speaks of an effort-filled voyage, the shortest trail en route is the way down.

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