3.06.2012 | 22:48

Drown Me With Promises

Promises that you assure yourself of are most often like an infertile fig tree -- it won't bring any fruit.

Sometime, it gets all tiring. Because unfruitful causes are exhausting, and it just rips your vigor out. For the past months, I've always told myself, start studying, stop being a bitch, avoid your phone as much as possible, deactivate the Twitter account blah blah et cetera. Then days stretched to weeks and weeks to months with what? Nothing accomplished. Then I start disappointing myself.

Not that I wanted to drown myself with these empty promises but I think someone I've talked to over the phone gave me a recoil. Like that of a fired rifle. He named names which we both knew back in college and told me how they knew their habits well, how devoted they were to studying, albeit the intelligence and the confidence.

Then I started looking at meself: You are a dumbass book-smart person. You be asked anything related to your course and you'll give the answer in a mo. You passed and topped the center's diagnostic exams you've studied for half-asleep. In college, you crammed assignments and still got grades three notches higher than those who pulled up some effort. But you can easily chuck that out of the way because you're a slimy slothful scum who doesn't want to study. The one people curse because of being so effortless and easy.

However, these situations arise and make me feel timid, for the time is so ho hum, could have been arid at worst, almost (well, okay most of the time) not tickling my fancy. Promises notwithstanding, I can't coerce myself to choke in barren filth just so that I can flatter someone else's adroitness. Worse, I can't find my own.

My affiance not betray me, my assent not escape me, I surmise in the faintest of hopes that this time, I won't be dumb(er)ass crazy to screw it. A month of sacrifice must be worth it.

32 comments:

  1. naka-ilang bukas din ako sa dictionary sa post na 'to...

    good luck joe.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. nyeh.. sorry naman po. i just feel like using my used-to-be wider vocabulary.. and you know, when I pull up things like these, it boosts my internal strength.

      thanks baste! :)

      Delete
  2. It's part of self-assessment. But you do know your capabilities.

    Break a leg kiddo. =)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. precisely kuya Joms, but me knowing these capabilities and not doing something about improving it is not yearning. i do hope to break a leg..

      thanks kuya!

      Delete
  3. I too have these moments. Bakit ba kasi ang hirap ibuklat ang mga libro? LOL. Good luck green :D

    ReplyDelete
  4. Taray, meganun? Well, senti mode.. Nakakaranas din ako ng ganito eh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not really senti.. I just feel na what I lack in effort must be patched up dahil isang buwan na lang at board exams na.

      Delete
  5. Hey, hope everything's okay. A song that helped me pull through similar instances in the past is billy joel's vienna. it's always comforting to know that when you're young, no matter what happens, vienna will always wait for you. :)

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    Replies
    1. Some engagements are okay, but the range is not everything, kuya Nyl. And, the song made me search Google. I know Vienna waits for me because I'm not rushing.. :)

      thanks for being here, kuya. :)

      Delete
  6. I experienced the same feeling of guilt all the time but I also remind myself that my youth (i mean physical + social aspects) will come but once so i let myself.. Pero tama din that sacrifices should also be done for the fulfillment of our dreams.. Just the right mix lang po.. :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks sir Arjee. I know what you are trying to point out and I'm glad because it is also what I'm thinking. The balance right now is not really needed, I must choose what to focus on. It's just a month na lang kasi eh..

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  7. Thank you for this. At least I know I am not the only one who felt this. :)

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  8. chwirrer must've been a good release for yah, eh? in there, you're bubbly and talkative.. when in fact, you're worrisome.. like in this post..

    seems like a lot of things are running in your head.. i dunno, fear maybe? of failing?

    or the uncertain just freaks you out? like the what ifs? and how woulds?

    or.. you're just being the OC you that wants to get things done the way they should be done..

    you'd do well, lil bro! i believe in you! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well sort of a release, kuya. And I don't really wanna bring negative vibes outside. If I can keep it to myself, I will.

      In contrary, I actually feel very confident about my performance. It's just that, I feel He won't give it to me unless I pull up some effort into things. Know what I mean bro.

      Thanks, kuya Nate. Maybe just the OC in me.

      Delete
  9. oh, you'll be back. i can tell. besides, misery loves company; so let's all be miserable together. haha.

    don't worry about your licensure, it'll be a piece of cake.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. of course, I'll be back. hahaha. 'em not miserable! you, of all people, should know that. haha. you know me around 42-ish percent. hahahah.

      the licensure will be fine, too, i hope. :)

      Delete
  10. Nosebleed! Kaya yan kapatid ur still young : )

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Salamat friend. Hehe pasensya na sa nosebleed. I tend to show my side who knows the wider vocabulary whenever I feel intelligent. which is minsan minsan lang. hahaha

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  11. nosebleed to death! :D
    anyway everything's gonna be okay din! go lang sa sacrifices. wag lang virgins ang isa-sacrifice ha? chos! :D
    anyway good luck on the licensure! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nyahaha. Maka-nosebleed naman! Salamat for being here, I appreciate. Salamat din for wishing me luck.

      BTW, welcome to the blogosphere!

      Delete
  12. ang lalim naman ng mga words!hahaha dumugo ng slight ilong ko! chos

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Malalim ba? Sorry naman! Nasiyahan lang sa pagsulat masyado.

      Delete
  13. ewan ko sayo sisterette! hindi ko magets pano sya naging curse yung pagiging paeasy easy mo. Meron talagang taong mas matalino kesa sa iba. Ganun lang yun

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pa-easy easy kaso. Alam mo yung feeling na guilty ka kasi yung iba todo effort samantalang ikaw.. Yung ganon. :)

      Natawa naman faw ako sa reasoning mo sis! Meaning yung iba wala ng pag-asa? forever na silang ganun?

      Delete
  14. ewan ko sayo sisterette kung pano nging curse yung paeasy easy mo. Meron talagang sadyang mga taong mas magalinbg ksea sa iba kahit anu pa yung effort na gawen.

    But I know that feeling...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ay, ikaw na ang matalino at alert sis! :D

      Delete
  15. work and play. pwede naman.
    reward yourself naman!hehe

    good luck. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. One month na lang eh, I really can't slack.. Siguro pagkatapos na lang ng board exams..

      Salamat bespren.. :D

      Delete
  16. hmmm wordless ako. Lols. napadaan lang.
    may God bless you' =)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Salamat ahmer! Dahil dyan bati na tayo! :)

      Delete

so... what's your take on it?

Unquote Joe

Most of the time, tact is not for the intelligent. It takes a great deal of 'being there' to realize that something else is going on.
+++
Albeit Greatness speaks of an effort-filled voyage, the shortest trail en route is the way down.

The Tweet-ter

Follow me @green_breaker

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