3.23.2012 | 00:46

Detriment Diaries

Today I thought that being with a guy I barely knew would make me feel happy. I skipped my review class for there was something missing that morning. Orange juice, or the butter on the toast was unsalted? There was no way to figure it out.

We shopped some clothes and made out in the fitting room. Ate lunch, discussed matters.. It was then that I realized how the person lacked intellect. I was half thinking if we should pursue the movie; we watched anyway. He got really annoying because he wanted to hold my hand when I'm trying to encompass all the details while comparing it to the book. I gave him a smack which should have been enough for his silence yet he continued budging. I gave in to his request.

In truth, I have never felt lonelier than early today. Surviving from a deuce will never be my thing. There is always a wonder how I get conned when I know my capabilities well, when I know the capacity of my defenses.

Yet, without flicker, the sweet words gnaw my shield and corrode me.

Which leaves me the loser.

I never give someone more that six hours of my time if the person ain't worth it. Whatever this another experience told me, it is that I never really learn when it comes to trusting people in general. They befriend me, thus providing a room for more skeezy attempts, like taking things a notch higher. When matters get crowded, they just leave me like crap. Not even having a single damn about looking back, no respect to how I disclaimed the reversion to friendship should the step up conk out.

Whatever this another experience told me, it is that I'm the dumbest person when it comes to this arena. I present myself as the kingpin so when the ball goes rolling, I'm on the frontline of it. Having yourself reminded of the mistakes you made is not a happy advent, but a mordant.

When I think of those happy times, it makes me realize, how come trivial things always become the reason?

I just want something real in my life. I'm tired of these fancy things happening around me..

3.15.2012 | 17:06

Are You Asleep?

Well, who's on his right mind that would ask this question to a sleeping person? For me, though, this question is very logical if sent on the right time (read: after 11pm).

It was the last month of my ninth semester in college. We were busy arranging the project at school because it was bulky and we had to use the machinery at the Mechanical Engineering section of our college, so all the time after classes had to be devoted to it. Our deadline is a week from that time and we never really have the manpower to make things faster, so we spend our time in the school until the guards order us to leave. Common uwian time is quarter to ten and I would reach our home by 11.

One night, while I was homebound, five blocks away, I received a text message from one of the people who got my number in my online account. He asked me, "Are you asleep? :)" like yeah. There's a smiley right there. I put off my earphones, and had this little smile at the corner of my lips. That's my favorite expression whenever something nasty's cooking up. I tried to tidy myself and sprayed some pampalibog. LOL

I texted him when I reached their gate because I wouldn't want to wake half of their house if I rang the doorbell. I saw him open the door and I immediately recognized him by the light of the moon (oo, full moon talaga nun hindi ako nagbibiro). He's the guy that I always see with his teammates playing in the common basketball court. He doesn't have the OMG looks unlike his cutie captain but what I want with my guys are the muscled arms and chest. This guy has it. He was only wearing jersey shorts and he placed his shoulder around me while we were walking inside.

We were in the sofa. I didn't want to waste any moment because it was already late, but he's faster. He unbuttoned my polo and in excitement, one button fired away and went missing. While he was working with my top, I removed my belt and pants, until all I was wearing were only my briefs and socks.

He aggressively licked my torso and nipples while I was playing with his manhood. The guy was watching porn in a laptop before I came there and it probably explained his precum. I jacked him off while he was spreading saliva all over my tummy. I hated how he made me very horny by biting my dick inside the underwear. I became impatient and I slid my junior at the side of the briefs. He nursed my cock and sucked like it had milk as a cow's breast. He sucked like a first timer, and I took him away from his passionate sipping and gave him a quick kiss in the ears. I told him to do better and that's how I knew he was imitating the guy on the video. His copycat skills are fair enough to please me, and I understood him because I'm not good in cocksucking, too.

When he got tired of sucking, I begged off for my turn and we jacked using the other's hand. Cool. He messed in his tummy and I came in his chest. He took time wiping away the juices. It made me horny seeing him with cum all over. I had an erection, though I hushed it by wearing back my pants.

When we both finished what we were supposed to do, I told him to just accompany me to the gate, because he insisted on going with me to our house. Our house knows no sin. I wanted it to remain that way.

3.11.2012 | 22:23

New Guy

Around a month ago, the caretakers of this apartment were replaced by the relatives of the owner. All of them are good looking -- the pair (lovely couple) and the brother of the girl. A hot hot borta who always likes to go up and down the building, topless. Hihi. First time we were introduced to them by the owner was over wine. Yes sosyal dito sa building namin 'pag welcome merong wine na nalalaman. Ching!

On my mind, I always refer to him as "kuya" so let that be carried on in this write-up. Kuya is mid twenty-ish, is fair skinned and has a tattoo of a name (I never intended to examine it, but it's a name of a girl yata) at the back of his muscled arm. Buffed up man.

My fascination of him started the first day after they moved in. It was early morning, I was to buy breakfast and I saw him, topless, cleaning the corridors and stairs with a wet mop. Good grace, if that's the first thing you see in the morning you'd be thrilled not to repeat it. Well, for my case. *boner alert* LOL

A couple of weeks after, those hot nights, I wasn't able to sleep on our lights off time, so I decided to go upstairs, to the rooftop, to get some air and bore myself to sleepiness. Went there and completely forgot of the CCTVs that were generously placed in the corners of the building. It was past midnight, and I could have cared less. When, alas, I felt the slowing down of my system, it was time to go down and sleep. I was half-thinking when... I saw him. He was on his way to the rooftop. I saw him from the top flight of the stairs and he was on the base. My mind was too slow to pay him any attention or anything that I just went past him without greeting. When we've passed each other, he called me.

Oi.

I stopped dead. He called me.

"Joe, diba? Matutulog ka na?"

And my mind went racing. He wanted to start a conversation.

"Opo, medyo masakit na po ang mata ko eh," I told him, sheepishly.

He stepped back, and with a swift movement, he cornered me in his arms. Damn. It was one of those crazy kilig scenes in Koreanovelas. LOL.

"I always see you looking," he told me.

"Maganda kasi ang muscles mo, nakakainggit," I told him honestly though with a little hesitation. Remember my brain is half-working. My hand went to his chest. "Dito, ang galing ng work out mo."

"Pero bakit sa utong ka lang nakahawak?" he inquisitively asked. "Bading ka ba?"

I was out of my mind, my hands were working on their own accord. I couldn't account for the subconscious. I just said, "Oo, may problema ba?"

"Wala." And his word was a trigger, I kissed his ears and smelled his hair.. Hmmm. It was poison to the blood. His smell alone made me feel horny. There was a tiny smile at the corner of my lips while they were moving from ears to the neck, neck to shoulder, shoulder to pits. I just needed to repeat to myself that he smells good. Probably went on a night shower, which gave me the impression that this was planned. Yeah, he saw me through the CCTV.

I could not let his nipples wait any longer. My fetish. It was so irresistible. I needed to move my tongue over it. Did it with pleasure and kuya was delirious. Left, to right. Licking is my forte. The tongue slid smoothly to the abs. It lingered in the treasure trail for a while.

Finally I was able to remove his shorts. I've been dreaming of that moment for roughly three weeks. The actuality of it seemed surreal which it is. Thoughts of it annealed my body some nights and that scene was the apex. No, not yet, but we're about to reach that.

His dick was already throbbing after I've stripped his bottom wear. It was pointing at my face.  I teased by licking the head and pinching the shaft with my thumb and forefinger to create tension. I didn't grab it yet. I wanted him to be at his hardest.

Then, I slowly tried to put it in my mouth. I was around three fourths the length when I've realized my limit. I'm not a good cocksucker. I thought to have disappointed him but his moans were enough to back me up. It gave me the ticket to know that I was doing a good job.

My tongue was playing with his shaft while it was inside my mouth. I was getting the drill. I tried to swallow but I can't, because it didn't feel good in the throat. But he gasped whenever I went deeper. He told me that he wanted to come in my mouth. Kuya was master. I licked his balls, his hips, and back to the hard member. I tried to keep a memory of his manhood: the size, the girth and of how it tasted. Ecstasy, it was, for it was my first this year. Hard and juicy. Just the way I liked it.

"Lapit na a--" he said, but even before he finished "ako", my mouth was already warm with his cum. I tried to contain all of it until I was able to spit it in the plant box near the terrace. I didn't intend to taste it, but it was sweet. I discarded the few left in my mouth, wiped off the substance in my lips.

I said thanks and I expressed my longing to sleep.

But when I was about to open the door, he took me by the hips...

3.06.2012 | 22:48

Drown Me With Promises

Promises that you assure yourself of are most often like an infertile fig tree -- it won't bring any fruit.

Sometime, it gets all tiring. Because unfruitful causes are exhausting, and it just rips your vigor out. For the past months, I've always told myself, start studying, stop being a bitch, avoid your phone as much as possible, deactivate the Twitter account blah blah et cetera. Then days stretched to weeks and weeks to months with what? Nothing accomplished. Then I start disappointing myself.

Not that I wanted to drown myself with these empty promises but I think someone I've talked to over the phone gave me a recoil. Like that of a fired rifle. He named names which we both knew back in college and told me how they knew their habits well, how devoted they were to studying, albeit the intelligence and the confidence.

Then I started looking at meself: You are a dumbass book-smart person. You be asked anything related to your course and you'll give the answer in a mo. You passed and topped the center's diagnostic exams you've studied for half-asleep. In college, you crammed assignments and still got grades three notches higher than those who pulled up some effort. But you can easily chuck that out of the way because you're a slimy slothful scum who doesn't want to study. The one people curse because of being so effortless and easy.

However, these situations arise and make me feel timid, for the time is so ho hum, could have been arid at worst, almost (well, okay most of the time) not tickling my fancy. Promises notwithstanding, I can't coerce myself to choke in barren filth just so that I can flatter someone else's adroitness. Worse, I can't find my own.

My affiance not betray me, my assent not escape me, I surmise in the faintest of hopes that this time, I won't be dumb(er)ass crazy to screw it. A month of sacrifice must be worth it.

3.05.2012 | 22:31

Oo na, Martir na Ako

Kapag martir ka, lahat tinatago mo. Gusto mo siya, pero dahil sa dahilang 'di mo alam, sa sarili mo na lang. Para lang umiwas sa mga isyu lalo na kung paborito ng bayan ang tsimis ng buhay mo.

Nakikita mo siya na may kasamang iba, habang ikaw, pasimple na lang na lumalayo at kunwari walang nakita. Pero dahil martir ka nga, titignan mo pa rin sila.. Kahit na ang gusto mo ay sana ikaw na lang ang kasama niya.

Masakit talaga. Ganyan ang pagmamahal eh. To love is to hurt. Things may be impossible but still there is hope because there is something that you keep on holding onto until that something makes you hurt. Bad side is, lalong habang sumasakit, lalo mo pa siyang minamahal. Tangina, malas nga naman.

Kahit pa niloloko ka na, at pinapaasa, bilang isang martir ay kunwaring pipi at bulag na walang narinig at nakita.

Sa mata ng iba, hindi affected.. Pero pag-uwi sa bahay, anong meron? Sa sulok, hihikbi at luluha na lang,  habang walang nakakakita at nakakaalam.

Someone would notice, eventually. At tatanungin ka, hanggang saan ba ang kaya mong gawin para ipaglaban ang pag-ibig na yan? Lahat gagawin ko! Yan ang sagot. Pero ngayon, nasaan na ang lakas ng loob na iyon?

"Dadaanin ko na lang sa iyak. Lilipas din ito."

Nabasa ko sa isang tweet, wala naman daw nakakahiya in professing your feelings for someone. Being in love is a gift. It is a good thing. Ano nga namang nakakahiya, eh mahal mo siya? Ano ang nakakahiya sa isang bagay na hindi naman kasalanan? Nagmamahal lang ako. Ngunit, sa maling tao.

Every teardrop and pain contributes to a deeper connection which would eventually be difficult to dodge.

Sabi ng iba magtira naman daw para sa sarili. Magtira? Sino sila para diktahan ako? Kaya nga nagmamahal dahil mahal mo rin ang sarili mo at gusto mong lumigaya kasama ng taong mahal mo, hindi ba?

Mapagbiro ang tadhana. Kung sino pa ang nagmamahal ng totoo, yun pa ang nagdudusa sa kabila ng lahat ng pagmamahal na kaya nilang ipadama. Wala naman sa kanila ang problema, kung hindi sa taong mahal nila..

Minsan, magagalit ka sa kanya. Pero ilang minuto lang, siya na naman ang nasa isip mo. Babalik at babalik ulit sa kanya. Ilang beses mo man i-deny sa sarili mo, wala kang magagawa. Bihag ka niya.

Lagi na lang kapakanan niya. Pero ako kaya, naiisip niya? Ang sakit isipin na ang taong mahal mo, walang pakialam sa iyo.

Pero ganito naman talaga ang martir. Walang bakit? Paano? Sino? Ano? Ang meron lang,

Mahal na mahal ko siya. Kahit ang sakit sakit na.

Unquote Joe

Most of the time, tact is not for the intelligent. It takes a great deal of 'being there' to realize that something else is going on.
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Albeit Greatness speaks of an effort-filled voyage, the shortest trail en route is the way down.

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