2.23.2012 | 20:53

A Precursor

"Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them."
- Albert Einstein

Scientific as it seems, limits talk about specific territories and boundaries in space which ought to be ruled over and not overtaken.

From scientific to sociological, what limits bind a certain relationship? Should there really be rules? If so, which must govern them: the free will or morality?

2.21.2012 | 06:25

Slapping meself

Pointless. Why am I basking in the afterglow of some romantic spark? I get it.

Now is simply not the time. Everything is just too early, and too good to be true.



Joe, you can do better than to expect. :)

2.20.2012 | 00:21

The Awakening

There are seven billion people in this world. A probability of finding one person exactly is less than 1 millionth of a percent. What reason should keep me from finding you, given that you exist?

+++

I woke up from a bad dream... really a bad, bad dream: A hooded serial killer was holding some sort of meat cleaver in his left hand. He was chasing me though a tight space of leaves and twigs and branches of some old tree in a twilit forest. His hood taken off, I saw his bloodlust. He was cunning. I was as cunning to save myself.

Equally negating his vulpine subtlety, I mustered all the strength that would allow me to copy some callid ninja moves in an old Chinese action movie. However, his agile legs are undeniably faster. Just as I thought, it was only a matter of time. He caught up on me. We wrestled. I tried to remove the cleaver from his grip but the more I deflected it, the more he pointed it on me. In desperation, I kicked his crotch. It was enough to cripple him for a few minutes. It bought me some time.

Mikail!

He called my name. His voice resounded in the vastness of the dark, woods. There was no clear source, because I lost track of direction in the aim to rid of him from my sight.

I will hunt you down!

The source appeared to be nearer this time. Panic strikes. Composure lost.

"Face me weaponless, you coward!" I screamed. I was crying. I never expected this.

+++

One over seven billion is a ridiculous chance that I was willing to wait for. Impossible was the word to beat.

But fate cracked my code. I found him. Seven months ago, we were a match made in heaven (some would coin). I must have thought of it as a bad omen, for it was too good to be true.

+++

Seven months from that point, he wants to kill me. I want to kill him in equal measure. Everytime though, when I think that I have the courage to put the dagger in his neck, it breaks me to pieces. It ruins me hundredfold. How can I ever destroy the man who believed me, who was with me in my lowest of lows? He rescued me from a lot of difficult instances. He fulfilled my fantasies...

I woke up sobbing, pillows wet. Dreams are reflections of the reality that my conscious would be ashamed to reveal, yet my subconscious wants to expose. Perhaps, in the convergence of partial truths and partial imaginations, there lies the answer.

I still love him even if it hurts me.

2.08.2012 | 14:46

I'm Tired


Of this setup.
Of you.

I'm tired waiting for your calls to come. I'm tired waiting for the LED on my Blackberry to turn red. I'm tired of the games that we have tried to play.

The day you said that you love me was the happiest I've become after college. You never knew how sober I was, trying to escape the problems that have been chasing me. You were my rest. You were a refuge.

And now, rain starts pouring through you. The safest place I thought is now getting me unprotected. I don't want that.

I'm sorry, but I think...


I must leave you.

2.01.2012 | 00:55

Notes


In no particular chronology

+++

He came late in one of our PowerPoint sessions. Five people in half a row, we're not in speaking terms and he is last to fill.

Him to me: pre, trapik sa LRT.

He chose to explain only to me. He smiles then with this really small dimple on the right cheek. He sits in my left. He chews a gum.

+++

I was sleepy and I've already read the things that were flashing on the projector on some book. I leaned my head on the armchair.

Him: Don't sleep.
Me: Sleep with me. (OMG. Realized that it didn't go well. Was supposed to mean, 'sabayan mo akong matulog'. Crap.)

+++

He always chews a gum.

Me: Para kang kambing.

The next day...
He's not chewing anything na. Ayaw niya ata ma-turn off ako sa kanya. Chauz.

+++

Imaginary conversation
Him: I always see you looking.
Me: You won't catch me if you weren't looking, too.

+++

No jackets are allowed in the review room. I came late and I saw him inclined forward with folded arms due to the cold temperature. I wanted to hug him because I'm hot. (see, I just got in the room. My temperature is technically higher than his.) Ugh. Fail.

+++

He's so cute in a white shirt. I dunno.

+++

I saw a classmate sitting in the other half of the row so I sat beside the classmate. He saw me get in and I think he wondered why I didn't sit beside him, on the supposed seating arrangement. (Medyo maraming absent that day kaya may vacant seats)

The next day, I was expecting him to sit next to me but he didn't. Gumaganti ang loko. Nagselos agad. Hmp.

+++

Due to boredom in repeated Powerpoints, I've developed several habits like doing Naruto technique hand seals and the like.

The next day, ginagaya na niya ako.

+++

The first time that I've noticed him is the time na nabuburyong na kami sa pino-project sa harapan. Instead of sitting with my back sa sandalan, I moved a little forward and did a Ninoy with my elbow on the armchair. Ginaya niya ako. Since medyo masikip at magkakalapit ang upuan, naiilang ako sa kanya. So I sat up staright at sumandal. Ginaya niya ulit ako. Then inulit ko yung ginawa ko nung una. Ginaya na naman niya ako.

I took a glance.

Sabi ko sa sarili ko, buti na lang at medyo cute siya.

(Repeat this scenario twenty times)

+++

What is with that small dimple! Ugh. And the smile. Punyeta.

+++

Inextend ko ang paa ko, kasi parang nangalay. Inextend din niya ang paa niya. Tinabi niya yung hita niya sa hita ko. Papansin talaga.

+++

Me: I like your pants.
Him: Ganda ba pre?
Tumango lang ako.
(Me: I like you better without them. Charot!)

+++

By the way, he is straight. Ilusyonada lang aketch. Hihi. Di rin kami gaano nag-uusap. Minsan lang. Seatmates lang kami. :D

Pero may 'term of endearment' siya saken. Pare. Pre. Pag nakikipag-usap siya sakin, kinikilig ako. Hahahaha.


OKAY. No more notes.

Unquote Joe

Most of the time, tact is not for the intelligent. It takes a great deal of 'being there' to realize that something else is going on.
+++
Albeit Greatness speaks of an effort-filled voyage, the shortest trail en route is the way down.

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