7.07.2012 | 18:49

Trusting On Choices

Traffic was exceptionally heavy that morning. It somehow made every trivial thing of great value. I probably took notice of the stains on the seat cover, the overgrowth of grass in BGC, the difference between Toyota, Honda, and Lexus cars. Dot dot dot...

I passed out. You remember that teleserye moment wherein the lead actress has her eyes fixed on some indistinct point across the window. It was how I exactly wanted, and needed to look like. As if you feigned the whole world from putting you onto an envelope. Then cue for Regina Spektor's Samson.

Thoughts started to inundate my vacated consciousness, as if the moment to trance a ghost was present. The mind presented categories and ideas when the conscious had none. As far as I remember, I came to think of the things that I dared not to question myself for (again, like for the nth time). There were what ifs: What if it won't make things better for me? What if this is the wrong choice? What if?...

What if I trust me, and believe that at last, that I can make one good decision for myself?

The apparent answer is that there will always be choices and choosing will always be hard. I would eventually need to put firm judgment on my instincts someday. It would make me a man, not of honor necessarily, but of clear vision. I need to know where I'm heading. I need to put off unnecessary baggage and attachments.

***

There is a hunter at large.

I tried to remain open-minded. "It will not hurt a poor creature like me." However, it is in a hunter's game that desperate times need desperate measures ergo nothing is too small or too feeble. The strong prevail and the weak succumb.

Saving yourself must be your paramount concern. You will find escape, should you determine which path to choose.

***

The other day, I was drinking fizzed butterbeer in some small coffee shop around Gil Puyat. I remembered how a great army was formed over a mug of butterbeer on a cozy bar. Maybe, I just miss going out with friends because I put too much stress on my professional career. I forgot that there's another world waiting for me. Well, worlds don't necessarily just bump into each other, someone has to reach out. I can't wait to lie low on one thing and bring back some balance. Friends are our best armies against the unspoken cruelty of this flipped universe.

***

In this failed attempt to writing again, I must say that I've learned something from myself. I cannot pretend to become someone that ain't me. Or someone that someone else wants me to be for that matter. I cannot be dimwitted because I think a lot to the point of extruding foolishness. Now I really don't care if no one understands me, for they do not live to feed me, or see me off. It's somehow a position of strength and I want it to remain that way. Once you became susceptible and gullible, there presents a turning point -- like nature's offering of balance -- you just need to grab it and make the most out of it (or, leave it). You just need to trust on the way you've handled the chance.

No one else will make these choices for you. You need to make it for yourself anyway.

21 comments:

  1. "You just need to trust on the way you've handled the chance."

    Nice!i really love this! Good luck sa mga endeavors mo kapatid :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Salamat kapatid. Sa palagay ko tama naman ang ginawa ko.. :)

      Delete
  2. Greenbreaker, what one cannot compromise are one's principles.

    Yes, we love for the oddest of reasons yet we cannot change fully just because.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Apparently... but don't get mislead by the topic. You got a point on that though..

      Delete
    2. Apparently I mislead myself!!!

      Nyahahahaha!

      Delete
  3. Dreams are meant to be achieved. some may get it the easy way, but most of us get it in the most hardest yet fulfilling way.

    FYI: I was hurt, I felt beaten and loser. Option lang ako eh, di ako choice. :'(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah. btw, that is sad my friend! you don't deserve to be an option.

      Delete
  4. Life we wanted is a choice... just TRUST... Best wishes!

    ReplyDelete
  5. No one else will make these choices for you. You need to make it for yourself anyway. --- korek malaking check! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nyenye. Salamat! That is my favorite line among the sentences in the post kaya nasa dulo sya.. Hehe. Tama naman kasi talaga...

      Delete
  6. dont be too hard for yourself life is too short to bury yourself at work you got to enjoy life even once in a while

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh... Salamat. Maybe I just need some time off but with my current sate parang malabo sya..

      Delete
  7. one word sis.

    CHILLAX.

    Mabuhay ang mga inhinyera!!! yes naman!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Korekk! Mabuhay tayong mga inhinyera. Sana lang sakto sa jar ang aking desisyon...

      Delete
    2. saktong sakto yan sa magical lamp!!!gogogogo!! bilibinyu!!! hihi!

      Delete
  8. You're good enough. You need only listen to yourself more.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think the many times I've lacked confidence brought me to this state. Thanks for your remark, for believing in me.

      Delete
  9. i know i am not expert on writing (i, too, am struggling. hehehe) but if there is one trick ive learned, try to be that someone you want to portray, even just for the duration of writing the post... you capture better emotions with that...

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Nosebleed ako hehe : )

    Oh basta dont be hard on yourself. Godbless : )

    ReplyDelete

so... what's your take on it?

Unquote Joe

Most of the time, tact is not for the intelligent. It takes a great deal of 'being there' to realize that something else is going on.
+++
Albeit Greatness speaks of an effort-filled voyage, the shortest trail en route is the way down.

The Tweet-ter

Follow me @green_breaker

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