Two Sundays ago, after our service, we had a thanksgiving at the church and we stayed there for up to two more hours after lunch time. My sister and I were sitting on the corner when two kids started playing near us. I taught at Sunday School for kids below 12 and my special connection with the church children is undeniable. I was listening to the elders talking in the front portion in front of the altar when the boy started asking me questions.
"Anong laruan 'to?" he asked.
I pretended not to hear him then he started making papansin and the girl she was playing with joined him in winding me. I didn't like what they were doing so I stomped my feet with a little force to tell them passively that I'm an authority and I didn't want what they're doing.
The children stopped at once then my sister gave a comment: "Lapitin ka talaga ng mga bata ano?" but I shrugged the idea however obvious her observation was.
Yesternight, I had an eerie dream. I was in a roomy cabin with lots and lots of kids, boys and girls, many of them share an age bracket like 20 5-year olds, 15 4-year olds et cetera. They were playing, most of them oblivious of my presence. I was smiling at their energy, at their number when one girl, around three years old, came to me crying. She came to me, saying the words: "Daddy, daddy."
I immediately got off the bed. I tried to think of something logical. Maybe if I had collected my seeds or spent them on a woman I'd have that much children by now. I laughed and got scared at the idea the same time.
I love children. I always get their attention, even the snobbest or the most shy. In ten minutes they'd reach out to me, play with me, kiss me or hug me. There are several times when I get so frustrated wanting to embrace and carry the baby in our neighborhood.
Whenever I open my Facebook account, I see my highschool, elementary and college friends having pictures of their babies posted. There are times too when I think that I already want to have children.
But there are more times when I think of how to raise them than see them all make me happy. Children are responsibilities. I think I'm not yet ready for them.