Look, something wants to breakout!
Yeah. My thoughts want to break out. For the longest time I haven't really blogged about myself, on my status as a person and what-not. Maybe because I'm too afraid that no one will even care... Oh Joe cut the drama.
Do I think it's about time to be more personal? No no no, not that personal. For the past seven months or so, I've seen myself draw a lot things around me. I colored my own humanity with nature's hue and I found a good breeding ground to lay my other-thoughts on. For the few people who: both reads this blog and knows me personally, the way Joe is spelled could read differently from one perspective to another.
I'm not being technical here. Every person has his or her own depths, one lies on a catapult hurling jets of whatever everywhere. These could manifest in different bodies and forms.
My depths? I even wonder if there's any. I kept on ranting about how things turned out, on what the government should do yaddah yaddah. How about a pseudo-literary/erotica stash? *insert wide grin here*
I'm confused with the present setup, how topsy-turvy the arrangement is, how my alter-ego tries to overpower the real me. It's like a cold, and I frequently catch it.
With the current state of things, I can say that my status as a person remains indefinite of time an space. Yes, we sometimes talk about science. Right now, there is a feeling of non-belonging and the lies, pretensions, reservations have all joined together in a miscible solution called quarter-life crisis.
In one of my birthday posts, I acknowledged the fact: when you're added another year, your multiplier for your responsibility is increased by one. oh, i'm sorry, it was an understatement -- in my case, its not a multiplier, but an exponent. it shows, if you need proof. At twenty-two, I already assume responsibilities which are too big for me. I'm starting to feel afraid that I might not handle all of them.
Another dilemma is the status of my maturity. There is fear in me -- that I'm not becoming mature. I always screw things up with my siblings. I always fail to back my words up. I always play, whether on relationships or on encounters. People might tell me that I'm young, that I must explore, that I must enjoy. Deep in me, it is different. I want to fix my life, start from scratch, build a better civilization for myself. The problem is, my weaknesses draw me closer to zero. I must develop claws to hold on tighter to tougher challenges and trickier dispositions. I want to become different. And I want to make a difference.
In the end, only Time can tell.
on the first night he slept
9 hours ago