11.05.2011 | 15:13

Breakout

Look, something wants to breakout!

Yeah. My thoughts want to break out. For the longest time I haven't really blogged about myself, on my status as a person and what-not. Maybe because I'm too afraid that no one will even care... Oh Joe cut the drama.

Do I think it's about time to be more personal? No no no, not that personal. For the past seven months or so, I've seen myself draw a lot things around me. I colored my own humanity with nature's hue and I found a good breeding ground to lay my other-thoughts on. For the few people who: both reads this blog and knows me personally, the way Joe is spelled could read differently from one perspective to another.

I'm not being technical here. Every person has his or her own depths, one lies on a catapult hurling jets of whatever everywhere. These could manifest in different bodies and forms.

My depths? I even wonder if there's any. I kept on ranting about how things turned out, on what the government should do yaddah yaddah. How about a pseudo-literary/erotica stash? *insert wide grin here*

I'm confused with the present setup, how topsy-turvy the arrangement is, how my alter-ego tries to overpower the real me. It's like a cold, and I frequently catch it.

With the current state of things, I can say that my status as a person remains indefinite of time an space. Yes, we sometimes talk about science. Right now, there is a feeling of non-belonging and the lies, pretensions, reservations have all joined together in a miscible solution called quarter-life crisis.

In one of my birthday posts, I acknowledged the fact: when you're added another year, your multiplier for your responsibility is increased by one. oh, i'm sorry, it was an understatement -- in my case, its not a multiplier, but an exponent. it shows, if you need proof. At twenty-two, I already assume responsibilities which are too big for me. I'm starting to feel afraid that I might not handle all of them.

Another dilemma is the status of my maturity. There is fear in me -- that I'm not becoming mature. I always screw things up with my siblings. I always fail to back my words up. I always play, whether on relationships or on encounters. People might tell me that I'm young, that I must explore, that I must enjoy. Deep in me, it is different. I want to fix my life, start from scratch, build a better civilization for myself. The problem is, my weaknesses draw me closer to zero. I must develop claws to hold on tighter to tougher challenges and trickier dispositions. I want to become different. And I want to make a difference.

In the end, only Time can tell.

10 comments:

  1. Most important thing to consider, Joe, is our ability to become human. It does not only revolve on how much time it takes for us mature. The yearning is what matters. (damn, i speak like Dumbledore lol)

    ReplyDelete
  2. James: Oh, you're here! I know which book you are referring, but I think you're more like Stefan Salvatore from The Vampire Diaries explaining how humanity is preserved. LOL. Anyway. As I've concluded, only Time can tell, and yes, what matters is the longing for the achievement of these things.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Your alter-ego is what it is: a part of your ego. Its another part of you and you should rather embrace it than shun it.

    And since "something" happened, "someone" needs to spill. When you free to banchetto?

    ReplyDelete
  4. if you feel anxious how you would act mature to someone, don‘t be. i think, maturity is our only hold from being young. ive seen people pin down themselves to become sophisticated they want, and they weren't happy. just be yourself. :) btw, i prefer erotic tales. jk.lol

    ReplyDelete
  5. Kiro: But it is not entirely what makes you up, it is something that you only let out for certain reasons. I'm not totally shooing this other side of me, it is just that, I wish to balance out the interactions.

    Haha. Okay so you actually got what "something happened" meant. Banchetto? Uhm. I'll text you. :)


    ken: Hahaha. Hello Kenny. I prefer erotic tales, too, but I don't want other people engage in a thinking that I'm just all about sex or whatever. LOL. I'm not yet past the stage of not caring on whatever someone has to say on me.

    But surely maturity is not Maturity(Age) [read: maturity is a function of age], right? I want to see improvements on myself. Though it can be scary to think that I might screw up and make myself unhappy. I don't want that either..

    ReplyDelete
  6. @Kiro I try call, why you no answer?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Rather than developing claws,try nourishing your dreams Kuya Joe. Life means little without a purpose. Once your life aim is gone man simply exists and does not really live. Aspiration is a perpetual tonic. It stimulates your faculties.

    Everyone can make a difference, you can, if you put your heart to it. :)

    indiboi

    ReplyDelete
  8. Kiro: I slept early.


    indiboi: Of course I have more than futuristic goals my boy. The thinking just resolves me to lesser achievements just because immaturity impedes my progress. All the same, there is a need to attend to this thing before completely taking myself out of the stereotype (like, being mature for the people surrounding me) and as I've said in the comments above, I'm not yet past the stage of pleasing people.

    Thanks for being here. :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hey Joe,

    I couldn't help but notice. Through all these words, I never really got to know who the real Joe was. But your effort to skirt around the topic was real interesting. :)

    Maturity comes when you least expect it. I am exactly three years older than you but I doubt if anyone would call me mature. lol

    ReplyDelete
  10. Nyl: I like the reference 'exactly' three years older, it reminds me of our connections. =)

    I think, I'm not really good in expressing myself then. Partly, I also thought that way, that the attempt to introduce Joe didn't carry on as planned.

    And if maturity has its own timepiece, then I'll let it manifest on its own season. On you not being mature, I doubt it! Maybe you are looking at it in a wrong way. I see you as a stronghold of the things to come, and if I am you three years ago, it seems that you've really went a long way.

    ReplyDelete

so... what's your take on it?

Unquote Joe

Most of the time, tact is not for the intelligent. It takes a great deal of 'being there' to realize that something else is going on.
+++
Albeit Greatness speaks of an effort-filled voyage, the shortest trail en route is the way down.

The Tweet-ter

Follow me @green_breaker

Cohorts


Popular Posts