8.29.2011 | 08:51

When The Trusted Gets Busted

I could be the toughest man for all you know.
However, there are several unique times when I am subject to agony: vulnerable, helpless.
Break my trust, and you must know how to earn its toll.

For the past two weeks after the breakup with James, I have been on some entanglement. Yes, call me a slut and label me with nouns, no problem. I trusted very few people with this information, and one of them is Concerned Citizen No. 3 (CC3), numbering with the order of precedence in knowing. I trusted CC3 for the hope that he will discern any need for advice imperative to me.

I was not disappointed for he performed the task well. I even felt vindicated with my little adventure but he was not supportive. I understood: he wanted me to work out the remaining usable form of connection that James and I still have, and convert it back to our old ways.

A few days passed and he befriended the guy pursuing me. This act was most weird. I mean, why would he do it? Doesn't he have enough friends? There were subliminal doubts, but being the me who finds justice in every deed, I interpreted this as a move of getting closer to both of us, to know more things, to understand the nature of the complexity.

I was wrong. He is a con artist at the peak of his career.

I intentionally didn't talk to him about Twitter Guy (TG) for the following days when one day, he excitedly told me on how TG and him are doing some flirting and that TG could be really sweet and caring. I tried to extract as much information so I could work on how to deal with them bastards, but CC3 apparently felt that I was not on the mood with all his TMI and resorted to telling me to have a good night. As if that would make my night? Well, it did make my night.

All along, TG has been telling me feel-good stuff like he really, really liked me and he wanted me to become his boyfriend. I was always aware of that idea but I kept it on the side since having another boyfriend without the three-month spaceout would consume me with fire like wood dipped in gasoline. I remained happy with the way he openly expressed his thoughts and with the assurance the he gave me on his feelings, how unswayed he is, and how he would want to pursue his emotional urges on me.

Then all of a sudden, I felt guilty for James. I remember talking to another Concerned Citizen, the No.1. He told me to suspend my hospitality to these expressions because it will not look good if I get dragged again in just a short period of time after a breakup. So I decided to tell TG via a DM to divert his feelings to other people who deserved it, and let me be, without explaining anything.

His first expression, surprisingly, was not defiant, given all his honesty on expressing how he liked me. He said that even if he did not understand, he will do my request. However, he kept on sending me SMSs. I found this act, again, most weird. I thought that he would leave me after the things I told him. Like a fly roving around a piece of meat, he was still there, intent. He was looking for me. I was muttering, what the hell?

I sent him a text message asking how things are doing. He reaffirmed his feelings on me, but something holds him back, which I guess was referring to my indefinite statement on the DM. I felt that the time was ripe to tell him the story, on how CCs told me to be fair to James and take at least three months before engaging in another relationship or affair. He gave me a series of random vomits like "Well... Shit..." and "Oh, fuck, yeah..." and "How could I have been so stupid...". I thought that it was all about a fact that he was supposed to know which he is now reminded of. Later, I knew why he reacted eerily.

We continued talking and there he was with his flattery, again. I was half-expecting him to stay with me for that span. He assured me that he will use the time to get closer to me and that our status was suspended in the middle of lovers and friends. He pledged for taking one guy at a time, and that guy was me. TG said all of that. I was glad to ascertain his remarks and I guess as human, there is nothing bad in investing a little of my emotional connections to this man. He is very honest with his heartbeat spikes and anyone would be just stone-hearted to ignore these declarations. Both of us decided to use the intervening time to make the other feel special.

Night came and CC3 frantically announced that he received a proposal from another guy but he turned it down because he is already taken. Oh, so after all the things that he promised to tell me, this one did not reach me. He told me that they, he and his boyfriend, will tell me when I am ready. The statement was beyond every oddity on earth. How will I not be ready to know something?

Like a light bulb, understanding dawned on me. The previous text messages. The way he described TG. Everything. I was able to tie the loose ends, but I needed solid evidence. Impenetrability.

I knew of a catalyst which will give me an immediate product to the chemical reaction. I used this on TG, and it was effective. He confirmed his connections with CC3. Crap has it, my blood pressure doubled in an instant. 

I didn't reply because I can't even comprehend the words. I was thinking of crying but there was nothing to cry at. The body has became ash and as fast as that, I have tried to shut them off from my life, no matter how they explain. There can be nothing more grave than this. I felt conspired at, ridiculed. I felt helpless. This is the first time that I encountered this experience, and I learned a lot from it. I was in pain. I was thinking: Will there be something beyond pain, that can be much hurtful? Will it be death? How painful will it become if it is the most agonizing?

They could admit to be stupid and sorry for all they want, the hell I care. But how can one be sorry if he knew exactly what he was doing? To me, there is nothing to talk about. Let the heavens be my judge. I hope the next time I give my trust to people, I'd know them first. I was very disappointed with how these two educated bitches acted. Clearly, graduating from college is not an assurance that we learn moral values and have integrity on our words.

I curse you CC3 and TG with infertility. May you have a miserable relationship and life in sum. May your bodies rot in hell. Should you regret, forget about it. You have done enough damage and when the trusted gets busted, there is simply no way of mending.

Okay, back to regular programming.

26 comments:

  1. I wish I had the same courage as you.
    .
    .
    When I was on that shoes, I chose to remain silent, for I thought it's the most noble thing to do. I walked away. But I learned that super storms are created in silence, and it did for me.
    .
    .
    That's few less bells to answer, for you monsieur.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Désolé Boy: Apathy would make me feel bad about things. I talked to more Concerned Citizens and they told me to write of my feelings, vent out my thoughts. That way, I could forgive myself, too.

    Holding back will just, as you said it, create super storms and I don't want that to happen.

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  3. You'll love reading this after five years. Or most likely, 2 years. =)

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  4. hmmmm… mind if i inject my point of view?

    pasagdi lang na sila GB. Don't stoop down to their level, that will only ignite more fire and make them feel important that they have affected you. They are the type who, in local parlance, namamangka sa dalawang ilog (??).. afraid of taking the risk of falling in love..

    on a lighter note, isipin mo nalang na kaw na una! hehehehe at second choice na sya! hahahaha ^_^

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  5. Well at least you got THAT out of your system. C'est la vie, mon ami. An a friendly shoulder tap for you

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  6. when the trust get busted...


    buhay ang bata hehe

    smile lang :),


    may karma din yan mga yan...

    back to regular programming ka na...katakot ka >_<

    hehe =)

    ReplyDelete
  7. dabo: Well, I've written this for less than 12 hours but I'm already getting what you are trying to say. :)


    Mr. Hush: Mao gyud! Inig kahuman niani pasagdaan na nako sila, wala na koy labot sa ilaha, gipagawas ra gyud nako akong pagkalagot kay basig unsa gyud akong mabuhat sa ilaha.

    Well, may nakausap ako and he told me that same thing sa last paragraph mo.. :)


    Kiro: Yiz, mah friend. Je vais bien. :) Merci!


    Pong: Haha, nakakatakot ba? Well, at least people know who to cross now, at hindi ako basta basta. So much for those fuckers, limot ko na sila, but not yung ginawa nila.

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  8. The way I see it, you should be glad someone dodged the bullet for you. Imagine, you are falling in love with someone who cannot stick to his words. I say you're better off without the suitor. You deserve someone better.

    Cheers, Joe.

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  9. Mugen: Wow, thank you very much! Someone told me something to that effect. Coming from you, I really feel less "api" in this setup. Good vibes, kuya Joms. :')

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  10. hugs Joe..:( kainis talaga ung gnun, si God na bahala sa knila..

    pangitang lain, dili lang siya ang wapo diri sa earth..ampig and God bless..:)

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  11. Mommy Razz: Ay, bati lagi ug nawng! hahaha. Salamat for those words of comfort mommy.. Feel nako bisag naa ko dinhi sa Manila.. Ug, mangita gyud ko ug lain. Girlfriend na sad, para malain ra. :)

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  12. grabe.. break na agad kayo ni james??? ang bilis naman masyado....

    anyway. di ko nagets yung daloy ng story about kay CC3 at TG siguro po ingats na lang po sa mga taong nakapaligid sa inyo po... :)

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  13. Trust no one until they do something to earn your trust. Karma will find its way. Samtang gahuwat ka sa karma pamasol sa sa dagat,daghan pa bitaw og mga tulingan dinha. Pamasol sa, daghan lagi kag madakpan. Kaw pa!:)

    indiboi

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  14. Eg: Yes, may contextual clues naman si James sa blog niya eh.. Ako rin meron. Kaya ayon. Tapos...

    Wag mo na intindihin ang ganap na yan. Nagpost lang ako para matapos na lahat ng naiisip ko about sa issue na yan.


    indiboi: I think I know you my friend. Feeling ko lang. Ayown.

    Mamasol isa sa dagat? Aguy, wala koy madakpan. LOLz dili man ko ingon ana sa imong gidescribe. haha. Uhm, ug dili na sad isa ko mamasol, daghan kaayo ug nahitabo nga dili ingon ato kadali nga kalimtan.

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  15. GB, talaga? kinsa kaha na ha :)

    well, daghan pa isda sa kadagatan. kita paka lain :) cheers!!

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  16. NKKLK
    Landi-landian, ligaw-ligawan, agaw-agawan, sulut-sulotan.
    teka may nangyari bang tikim-tikiman? lol
    at talagang may sumpa-sumapaan din.
    EKSENAAAAAAAA

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  17. Mr. Hush: Kinsa ang kinsa? Ang nag-ingon natong murag sa last paragraph nimo? Taga-Cebu man pud siya. hehe

    daghan gyud ug isda, maayo kay nakit-an nako nga tuyom ra diay si TG, pwede pod nang mga makahilo nga butete. LOL


    Bien: Srsly? Walang ganap na tikim-tikiman, mabuti na rin, eh ang kakati ng mga yun parang laing eh. haha

    ay talagang may sumpaan magaling ako jan eh hahaha

    ansaveh ng evil witch sa mga fairy tale? LOL

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  18. I've been there and there's no point in keeping any of them around so I just kept to myself and let them be. I just laugh whenever I think about what happened to them. Yeah, karma gave them lots of puppies.

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  19. Blakrabit: Mao ba, bai? hehe. Yes, we have that same perspective. And I believe with all those curses that I have uttered, I'd have something to laugh at in some future time.

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  20. don't waste any more time bothering about them gb, update mo na lang kami pag nagkatotoo na ang mga sumpa mo sa kanila :)

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  21. Zaizai: Ay, bet ko yan! bwahaha. :D No worries, I will definitely let you know pag may narinig ako. PAg may narinig lang naman ako.

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  22. I can so relate to the words stating that you are strong but sometimes there is this period of vulnerability. Haaaay!!! relate na relate ako green!

    Relate na relate din ako sa "... there was nothing to cry at..." kasi nga hindi naman naging kami ni MONSTER.

    Share ko yung motto ko na nakalagay sa high school year book namin:

    "Once a mirror has been shattered, even if you make it whole again, still the cracks remain"

    I'm like that too... I can tie up loose ends but I still need proof before I believe it. Must be the observation skills.

    Ang tawag dyan sa DotA, mga BACKDOOR! At ang mga gumagawa nun, WEAK at SAKSAKAN NG DAYA. Kaya dapat sa mga ganyan MEGAKILL!!! Tapos hinahagis sa dagat!

    bet ko din ang chikka sa karma nila!!! Lalantakan natin ang chikka ng karma hanggang sa kaliit liitang detalye! waahahhaha!!

    Be strong friend! Di ka nag-iisa! =D

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  23. Wil: Ay, Wil, Beyond Godlike na ako sa ginawa ko. Hahaha. :) Hinihinaan ko muna ang pandinig ko sa mga chika na yan, chaka naman sila eh. haha

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  24. it's just now that i read what happened.. hmmm..
    hayaan mo na lang, be apathetic about it..

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  25. HOLY SHIIIIIIT!!!! whahahhaha!!

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  26. Dear Green Breaker, you see schemes and wicked plans are inevitable.

    You cannot give them what they want, they seek, and they build a fortress of plots and twisted blueprints. And well, you know how it just viscously thickens...

    But you know your worth, yes you do. And you know who will stand against all odds.

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so... what's your take on it?

Unquote Joe

Most of the time, tact is not for the intelligent. It takes a great deal of 'being there' to realize that something else is going on.
+++
Albeit Greatness speaks of an effort-filled voyage, the shortest trail en route is the way down.

The Tweet-ter

Follow me @green_breaker

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